Well... the kids are having fun. They are out of school this week and we have intertwined work and play... do this chore and bake cookies.... do that chore and play a game.... and so on. The two kids I have guardianship of are with their mom this week and I only have the two I adopted.... man, is the house ever quiet. I can't think about it or I will cry. She called me and I could hear the baby in the background saying "I want my mom". I lost it and cried like a baby myself. She's not a little baby, she's going to be 2 the end of January and is saying more words everyday, she is just an amazing little girl.
Most of the boxes are unpacked, it was quite fun finding the christmas dishes and the crystal, I believe it has been packed for at least 3 years. With a unperdictable husband the first thing to pack away is the fine china.
Dinner with the new guy was nice, we laughed and talked and had a great time. He calls and emails me constantly but his old girlfriend who left him last summer to run off and "save" her daughter from her father has called him this week and told him she has decided she wants to come back. She says she wants to "talk" to him about it... Its the story of my life... a day late and a dollar short. I haven't heard from him tonight so I am betting she has come back a day earlier than she said she was going to. Well... thats the end of that now, isn't it? We all know how that rolls... just a bit depressed tonight.
I bought myself a Christmas present; I ordered the blue ray 70th anniversery addition of Gone With the Wind.... and... it came with an instant digital movie that you can watch immediately. I watched half of it last night... so, now, I am going to finish watching it... maybe I will go and find a snack too... I got on the scale and I have lost 2 pounds this week... I better go eat something. I just don't think to eat when I am stressed or feeling out of sorts... or busy and this has been a week full of all of the above.
Good Night All
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
How to Escape
Even though I am out of the crazy mans house I feel responsible for him... why do I feel that way? I want to go on with my life and I feel I will just be stuck here.
I met a really nice guy who is into me; he's 5 years older than I am and he's secure and has his life together. He was raised well by his parents and wants to take me out to dinner. Please God, don't let the damage I have sustained show, just let it heal.. the scars shouldn't show too much. I dream of a normal guy and a normal life... it that too much to ask for? (He's handsome & 6' 3" tall, built well.... kind, respectful... and he called me smart... heavy sigh) He is really good for my ego.
Its kind of funny how my brain works to protect me. In a blink of an eye I had already worked out that this nice guy spent time with me, found me lacking and not worth the effort and was gone.... all before I have even gone out to dinner with him. Well... since it can't get any worse than that I will just relax and have a good time... pray for me... I haven't been out on a "date" in... eeegads... eons... I began dating that other guy in 1996... Crazy man and I didn't really date... (unless you want to call going out to dinner last week a date... where he forgot to bring money so we couldn't go to the movies?) we just moved in together... bad move; in defense of my actions it was only supposed to be temporary, I wasn't supposed to marry him. I probabloy wouldn't have if I wouldn't have been bullied so.
I met a really nice guy who is into me; he's 5 years older than I am and he's secure and has his life together. He was raised well by his parents and wants to take me out to dinner. Please God, don't let the damage I have sustained show, just let it heal.. the scars shouldn't show too much. I dream of a normal guy and a normal life... it that too much to ask for? (He's handsome & 6' 3" tall, built well.... kind, respectful... and he called me smart... heavy sigh) He is really good for my ego.
Its kind of funny how my brain works to protect me. In a blink of an eye I had already worked out that this nice guy spent time with me, found me lacking and not worth the effort and was gone.... all before I have even gone out to dinner with him. Well... since it can't get any worse than that I will just relax and have a good time... pray for me... I haven't been out on a "date" in... eeegads... eons... I began dating that other guy in 1996... Crazy man and I didn't really date... (unless you want to call going out to dinner last week a date... where he forgot to bring money so we couldn't go to the movies?) we just moved in together... bad move; in defense of my actions it was only supposed to be temporary, I wasn't supposed to marry him. I probabloy wouldn't have if I wouldn't have been bullied so.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Should I feel Guilty?
After my my last divorce I felt so out of control of the direction my life had gone that all I did was box up everything I owned and left it there for 5 years until I was ready to deal with it. It was like therapy; with every box I went through and every item I either passed on, kept or threw away I delt with a memory or a time frame and threw out the emotional baggage that went with it.
I am finding I am not having that problem now, I am only taking with me what I want and leaving the rest... I was thinking about this the other day; I do not feel devestated that I will not have my kids dad in my life like I once did, I can live with the only contact being the kids. I am not sad or filled with regret, I don't cry when I think of him. I only feel relief that I am away from him and I feel free and lighter now that I am alone.
And being raised by my grandmother who always placed the weight of the world on her own shoulders and showed that example to me, makes me wonder if I should feel guilty because I am not sad about not being with this man who I vowed to love till death do us part....
I have been reading my al-anon book again and damaged crazy man is also a sober alcoholic who is not using program steps and all the things I have been doing are the emotional self-preservation steps to keeping my sanity and joy and I will not feel guilty for it!!
I have more beautiful things to think about than that!
Alcoholism (alcohol dependence) and alcohol abuse are two different forms of problem drinking.
I am finding I am not having that problem now, I am only taking with me what I want and leaving the rest... I was thinking about this the other day; I do not feel devestated that I will not have my kids dad in my life like I once did, I can live with the only contact being the kids. I am not sad or filled with regret, I don't cry when I think of him. I only feel relief that I am away from him and I feel free and lighter now that I am alone.
And being raised by my grandmother who always placed the weight of the world on her own shoulders and showed that example to me, makes me wonder if I should feel guilty because I am not sad about not being with this man who I vowed to love till death do us part....
I have been reading my al-anon book again and damaged crazy man is also a sober alcoholic who is not using program steps and all the things I have been doing are the emotional self-preservation steps to keeping my sanity and joy and I will not feel guilty for it!!
I have more beautiful things to think about than that!
Alcoholism (alcohol dependence) and alcohol abuse are two different forms of problem drinking.
- Alcoholism is when you have signs of physical addiction to alcohol and continues to drink, despite problems with physical health, mental health, and social, family, or job responsibilities. Alcohol may control your life and relationships.
- Alcohol abuse is when your drinking leads to problems, but not physical addiction.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday...
I found out the crazyman asked one of the nurses out but she turned him down. Thats when he asked me out... then he asked me to give him time because he loves me.
If he really wanted to be with me to begin with wouldn't he have acted like it?
I believe that man needs to come with a warning label.... the thought of him out there dating makes me cringe.
I am going to bed.... I just haven't anymore thoughts to add....
Well.... maybe one:
http://youtu.be/HH7WXlf9WLk
If he really wanted to be with me to begin with wouldn't he have acted like it?
I believe that man needs to come with a warning label.... the thought of him out there dating makes me cringe.
I am going to bed.... I just haven't anymore thoughts to add....
Well.... maybe one:
http://youtu.be/HH7WXlf9WLk
Mistake
Hi,
You can find the video here:
www.healmybrokenheart.com/avoid
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
HealMyBrokenHeart.com
-------------------------------------------
"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
~Christopher Reeve
I know I sent out the final lesson to you yesterday,
but I recently created a video on how to avoid a
big mistake that many of us make after a break-up.
I wanted to share it with you.
but I recently created a video on how to avoid a
big mistake that many of us make after a break-up.
I wanted to share it with you.
You can find the video here:
www.healmybrokenheart.com/avoid
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
HealMyBrokenHeart.com
-------------------------------------------
"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
~Christopher Reeve
the Final Lesson
Hi,
can be found by taking the very specific steps here:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Why do so many people think that time is the
miracle maker?
okay...then you hear a song that reminds you of your
ex? This trigger can cause a break down. We can
fall into fits of pain when the root of the problem
remains within us. Time can push trauma deep inside
to hide from our conscious mind; unfortunately,
nothing hides from the subconscious mind.
If you do nothing at this point but allow time
to pass, you may be listening to a song months
or years from now and have the same reaction.
If you are suffering from true heartbreak, the
only real way to heal is to walk straight through
your pain and release it. Okay, you're thinking,
how do I do that?
Take action from these lessons you are reading!
Action is what will get your through your heartache
as opposed to letting time continue to pass.
So, first make a pact with yourself and me that
you are going to incorporate some of the practices
I have provided over the last 5 days into your
daily routine.
Next, ask yourself...what are my choices ahead?
You probably recognize at his juncture there is a
fork in the road ahead of you. One path is to
let time pass by and see how you feel. The other path
is to make the choice to fight this pain and heal.
Choose to fight.
How? Bear with me for one second and I'll tell you.
When I started helping people heal their broken
hearts, my intention was to be able to coach everyone
through healing. I clearly recall my suffering and
NO ONE should have to endure that type
of pain. It is my firm belief we stay in pain cycles
too long because someone convinced us that we need
this "time" to heal. False.
I began my coaching programs via email. People would
email me their story and we would have dialogue back and
forth. In time, I became inundated - there were too many
people that needed help. I couldn't provide quality time
to each person in need of advice. It hurt me - they were in
so much pain and I knew I could help, but I was just
spread too thin.
This is why I designed the Step to Heal program. I wanted
everyone to have access to the most powerful exercises
to help themselves heal. I started offering the Step to
Heal program and it was popular, BUT then I realized
that I was still not providing personal attention to everyone.
That's why I started sending out my mini email lessons so
that you get a taste of Step to Heal and how it can help.
If you want to really heal, you have to take the right action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
So, if you're interested in getting much more than just
another run of the mill self-help book, try Step to Heal.
Remember, each lesson in the Step to Heal program is
taught interactively. There is a little theory and a lot of
action. In fact, after each step, you are asked to
practice exercises within the interactive online forum.
When your mind acknowledges that you are taking action
to heal, your heart and body will follow suit.
Here are some more specific highlights of Step to Heal:
*Stomping out negative thinking, for good
*Releasing anxiety with simple, time tested exercises
*Determining what went wrong with the relationship
*Curing the lonely and empty feelings
*Learning the secrets to sleeping through the night again
*Discovering whether you were in a soulmate relationship
and learning what to do if you were.
*Re-designing your future with real, tangible methodology
*Much more
Don't forget - you get me. You will have access to me at
anytime you need – you can ask me questions at anytime.
Finally, the best part, you’ll have access the community.
Once you join, you’ll be in contact with a group of
people in similar situations. The community is not a place
where misery loves company, it’s a place where members
uplift one another.
For remarkable relief to your heartache, you need to take action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
P.S. If you choose not to take this route, I’m still here
for you. My life calling is to help people with their pain.
Send me an email and ask me any questions about the program.
I would be happy to answer them for you.
P.P.S. Want more lessons? You can go here
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
If you’ve read the 4 previous lessons, then you
know I like to tell it like it is. So, here
it is: Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact,
in the case of a broken heart, time can make it
worse.
Note: The most remarkable relief to your heartacheknow I like to tell it like it is. So, here
it is: Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact,
in the case of a broken heart, time can make it
worse.
can be found by taking the very specific steps here:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Why do so many people think that time is the
miracle maker?
It is because after time goes by we do feel
better. Did I just contradict myself? No, time can
make us feel better, but often we simply
mask the original problems - we don't resolve them.
For example, have you had a day where you're feelingbetter. Did I just contradict myself? No, time can
make us feel better, but often we simply
mask the original problems - we don't resolve them.
okay...then you hear a song that reminds you of your
ex? This trigger can cause a break down. We can
fall into fits of pain when the root of the problem
remains within us. Time can push trauma deep inside
to hide from our conscious mind; unfortunately,
nothing hides from the subconscious mind.
If you do nothing at this point but allow time
to pass, you may be listening to a song months
or years from now and have the same reaction.
If you are suffering from true heartbreak, the
only real way to heal is to walk straight through
your pain and release it. Okay, you're thinking,
how do I do that?
Take action from these lessons you are reading!
Action is what will get your through your heartache
as opposed to letting time continue to pass.
So, first make a pact with yourself and me that
you are going to incorporate some of the practices
I have provided over the last 5 days into your
daily routine.
Next, ask yourself...what are my choices ahead?
You probably recognize at his juncture there is a
fork in the road ahead of you. One path is to
let time pass by and see how you feel. The other path
is to make the choice to fight this pain and heal.
Choose to fight.
How? Bear with me for one second and I'll tell you.
When I started helping people heal their broken
hearts, my intention was to be able to coach everyone
through healing. I clearly recall my suffering and
NO ONE should have to endure that type
of pain. It is my firm belief we stay in pain cycles
too long because someone convinced us that we need
this "time" to heal. False.
I began my coaching programs via email. People would
email me their story and we would have dialogue back and
forth. In time, I became inundated - there were too many
people that needed help. I couldn't provide quality time
to each person in need of advice. It hurt me - they were in
so much pain and I knew I could help, but I was just
spread too thin.
This is why I designed the Step to Heal program. I wanted
everyone to have access to the most powerful exercises
to help themselves heal. I started offering the Step to
Heal program and it was popular, BUT then I realized
that I was still not providing personal attention to everyone.
That's why I started sending out my mini email lessons so
that you get a taste of Step to Heal and how it can help.
If you want to really heal, you have to take the right action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
So, if you're interested in getting much more than just
another run of the mill self-help book, try Step to Heal.
Remember, each lesson in the Step to Heal program is
taught interactively. There is a little theory and a lot of
action. In fact, after each step, you are asked to
practice exercises within the interactive online forum.
When your mind acknowledges that you are taking action
to heal, your heart and body will follow suit.
Here are some more specific highlights of Step to Heal:
*Stomping out negative thinking, for good
*Releasing anxiety with simple, time tested exercises
*Determining what went wrong with the relationship
*Curing the lonely and empty feelings
*Learning the secrets to sleeping through the night again
*Discovering whether you were in a soulmate relationship
and learning what to do if you were.
*Re-designing your future with real, tangible methodology
*Much more
Don't forget - you get me. You will have access to me at
anytime you need – you can ask me questions at anytime.
Finally, the best part, you’ll have access the community.
Once you join, you’ll be in contact with a group of
people in similar situations. The community is not a place
where misery loves company, it’s a place where members
uplift one another.
For remarkable relief to your heartache, you need to take action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
P.S. If you choose not to take this route, I’m still here
for you. My life calling is to help people with their pain.
Send me an email and ask me any questions about the program.
I would be happy to answer them for you.
P.P.S. Want more lessons? You can go here
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Lesson 4 - Losing a soulmate
If you've lost your soulmate, I wrote this for you.
If you're in pain from a break up, but you know that
your ex wasn't your soulmate, this will still be of
great benefit.
Remember: You are reading this because you want
to heal. Take the best action to heal right here:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
If you're in pain from a break up, but you know that
your ex wasn't your soulmate, this will still be of
great benefit.
Remember: You are reading this because you want
to heal. Take the best action to heal right here:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
9 years ago, I felt I had lost my soulmate. I had
been through a divorce and that was heart-wrenching,
but that's not what or to whom I am referring. After
my divorce, I met someone that I felt was my perfect
match. I had never felt that way before and never loved
that way before; he was the one I had been waiting for my
entire life.
He didn't feel the same. We parted and I died inside.
The day after I felt a chill go from my toes up through
my body until it found my chest. The cold went through
every vessel in my heart filling it with darkness and
stripping me of the hope of life.
If you feel like you've lost your soulmate, you realize
that I’m not being dramatic. You know that it is an
experience that is almost indescribable. As I've never
experienced death myself, I can only assume a bad break
up is a very close second.
If you feel anything like what I've described, then I
have one message I need you to hear - you WILL feel
better. In fact, you will feel better than you have
ever felt because you are on your way to a more authentic path.
A brighter future.
I know it sounds ridiculous – almost impossible, in fact.
But believe me, it is the absolute truth. The universe
operates in strange ways to get us to the happiest place we
can be and you are no exception to this path.
I went from the state I described above to a state of true
happiness by first researching every healing technique
available, reading every self-help book, going to therapists,
support groups,and even hypnotherapy. You know what
I got from this? Not much. I only learned about everything
that was wrong with me and it didn't help with my pain.
Then, I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine was talking
about an article in Time magazine called The Science of
Happiness. They were referring to what I now know as
Positive Psychology - a science which studies happiness.
Am I serious? Yes, very. It's not a pill, nor is it a joke.
Positive Psychology is a real science which focuses on how to
be happier. It is the study of what is right with us.
This really appealed to me. I devoured every book and
article written on the subject. I even went and received a
Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. I now use evidence-based research to help heal
broken hearts. I tested these techniques first on myself, then
on friends, and then on others suffering from a broken heart.
This is how my 15-step healing process was born.
Since then, thousands (no exaggeration) of people have
stepped through the process and I think if any of this resonates
with you, that you may consider trying it too at
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
The tip I want to leave you with today:
Create a vision for your life. Not 5 or 10 years out, but 20
or 30 years out. Imagine that you are 85 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to your future grandchild
and saying to them, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.
What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting
and what I like to call working backwards.
I explain it all in my guide & online process, Step to Heal:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
been through a divorce and that was heart-wrenching,
but that's not what or to whom I am referring. After
my divorce, I met someone that I felt was my perfect
match. I had never felt that way before and never loved
that way before; he was the one I had been waiting for my
entire life.
He didn't feel the same. We parted and I died inside.
The day after I felt a chill go from my toes up through
my body until it found my chest. The cold went through
every vessel in my heart filling it with darkness and
stripping me of the hope of life.
If you feel like you've lost your soulmate, you realize
that I’m not being dramatic. You know that it is an
experience that is almost indescribable. As I've never
experienced death myself, I can only assume a bad break
up is a very close second.
If you feel anything like what I've described, then I
have one message I need you to hear - you WILL feel
better. In fact, you will feel better than you have
ever felt because you are on your way to a more authentic path.
A brighter future.
I know it sounds ridiculous – almost impossible, in fact.
But believe me, it is the absolute truth. The universe
operates in strange ways to get us to the happiest place we
can be and you are no exception to this path.
I went from the state I described above to a state of true
happiness by first researching every healing technique
available, reading every self-help book, going to therapists,
support groups,and even hypnotherapy. You know what
I got from this? Not much. I only learned about everything
that was wrong with me and it didn't help with my pain.
Then, I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine was talking
about an article in Time magazine called The Science of
Happiness. They were referring to what I now know as
Positive Psychology - a science which studies happiness.
Am I serious? Yes, very. It's not a pill, nor is it a joke.
Positive Psychology is a real science which focuses on how to
be happier. It is the study of what is right with us.
This really appealed to me. I devoured every book and
article written on the subject. I even went and received a
Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. I now use evidence-based research to help heal
broken hearts. I tested these techniques first on myself, then
on friends, and then on others suffering from a broken heart.
This is how my 15-step healing process was born.
Since then, thousands (no exaggeration) of people have
stepped through the process and I think if any of this resonates
with you, that you may consider trying it too at
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
The tip I want to leave you with today:
Create a vision for your life. Not 5 or 10 years out, but 20
or 30 years out. Imagine that you are 85 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to your future grandchild
and saying to them, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.
What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting
and what I like to call working backwards.
I explain it all in my guide & online process, Step to Heal:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Was your ex your soulmate?
Stay tuned for 5 of 5: Does time heal your wounds?...
Love & Light,
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
the third lesson - Reminders begone
Hi,
"Why does everything remind me of my ex?"
One of my clients, Ben, asked me this question and I
wanted to provide him and you the answer and solution.
"It’s impossible to stop thinking about it if everything
makes you think about it!" Ben explained.
Here is the reason: Our mind forms strong associations.
Okay, I didn’t drop a bomb with that fact, but here is
the interesting part...
When your brain stored memories of your ex,it took
along with it associations of sounds, smells, colors
and even things you were touching at the time. All
of those sensations form a powerful bond in your mind.
Now, when you think of your ex, you may remember
cologne they used to wear. The part you didn’t bargain
for is that it works in reverse. If you smell the
cologne, the memory of your ex comes right back up.
The smallest details will trigger a memory because
they lie deep within your subconscious mind. That’s why
you may feel like you’re having an okay day
when suddenly you hear a song that brings you to a
fit of tears. Do not feel bad – there is hope to break
some of these associations and ease your pain.
Here is the first tip: you need to make small changes
- immediately. Rearrange your furniture, cut your hair,
change your office at work, wear different perfume,
and listen to different songs. I am not advising you
to forget your ex. I am asking you to make minor
adjustment to ease your daily pain. Your associations
are strong and they are mostly subliminal – do not try
to fight them with your conscious logic.
If you haven’t done so already, gently put away the
more obvious reminders of your ex including pictures,
personal belongings, and anything else that reminds
you of them. No one is suggesting a bonfire in the front
yard – a box will do just fine. It can be upsetting
to remove these items, but keep in mind, it's not forever.
The next tip: try to socialize with a few people that did not
know you as a couple. Hanging out with all the same
friends can trigger the pain association. Mixing up some
friendships and social habits will provide tremendous
benefit.
So my question to you is, what are you going to change
today? How about a different route to work or drinking
a cup of tea instead coffee in the morning? Try it -it
will ease your pain.
Ben went through my Step to Heal program, and this is what
he had to say after the very first day, "I went through an
extremely difficult divorce. I would just like to say thank you,
because tonight I read the 1st step in the program and it was almost
like you were right here with me with the interactive videos. You
knew instinctively and exactly how I felt. Thank you for
everything you have done for me. You’ve given me renewed
optimism for the future.”
Love & Light,
"Why does everything remind me of my ex?"
One of my clients, Ben, asked me this question and I
wanted to provide him and you the answer and solution.
"It’s impossible to stop thinking about it if everything
makes you think about it!" Ben explained.
Here is the reason: Our mind forms strong associations.
Okay, I didn’t drop a bomb with that fact, but here is
the interesting part...
When your brain stored memories of your ex,it took
along with it associations of sounds, smells, colors
and even things you were touching at the time. All
of those sensations form a powerful bond in your mind.
Now, when you think of your ex, you may remember
cologne they used to wear. The part you didn’t bargain
for is that it works in reverse. If you smell the
cologne, the memory of your ex comes right back up.
The smallest details will trigger a memory because
they lie deep within your subconscious mind. That’s why
you may feel like you’re having an okay day
when suddenly you hear a song that brings you to a
fit of tears. Do not feel bad – there is hope to break
some of these associations and ease your pain.
Here is the first tip: you need to make small changes
- immediately. Rearrange your furniture, cut your hair,
change your office at work, wear different perfume,
and listen to different songs. I am not advising you
to forget your ex. I am asking you to make minor
adjustment to ease your daily pain. Your associations
are strong and they are mostly subliminal – do not try
to fight them with your conscious logic.
If you haven’t done so already, gently put away the
more obvious reminders of your ex including pictures,
personal belongings, and anything else that reminds
you of them. No one is suggesting a bonfire in the front
yard – a box will do just fine. It can be upsetting
to remove these items, but keep in mind, it's not forever.
The next tip: try to socialize with a few people that did not
know you as a couple. Hanging out with all the same
friends can trigger the pain association. Mixing up some
friendships and social habits will provide tremendous
benefit.
So my question to you is, what are you going to change
today? How about a different route to work or drinking
a cup of tea instead coffee in the morning? Try it -it
will ease your pain.
Ben went through my Step to Heal program, and this is what
he had to say after the very first day, "I went through an
extremely difficult divorce. I would just like to say thank you,
because tonight I read the 1st step in the program and it was almost
like you were right here with me with the interactive videos. You
knew instinctively and exactly how I felt. Thank you for
everything you have done for me. You’ve given me renewed
optimism for the future.”
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. Others have felt this pain and have found healing within
Step to Heal. Watch the video here:
Step to Heal. Watch the video here:
Second lesson on healing my broken heart
Hey, does this sound familiar?
"I will never meet anyone else..."
"I cannot live without this person..."
"This keeps happening, what is wrong with me?"
Okay, whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her,
you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue
is that they repeat themselves over and over and…you
get the point.
How do you get your mind to stop this chatter?
It's as if your mind has another operator that
is simply ignoring your commands. You may even
be saying STOP to your thoughts as they come,
pulling your hair, and really, really trying not
to think about your pain and break up, but the
thoughts still show up at the most inopportune
times.
First, understand you are not going crazy, this is
common post break-up behavior.
Next, the good part - there is a way to put an end
to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex,
your attachment to these thoughts has been hard
wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed
pathways in your brain…ok, ok, I won't go into the
science.
Let's get to the good stuff: techniques to overcome
repetitive negative thoughts.
The first method is to literally flip the thoughts
on their head with a more realistic, positive
statement. One of the statements I started with,
"I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common
post-break up fear. If you step back and focus
within, you know that this is simply not true.
Whether you're a youngster or late into your years,
the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is,
well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that
you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep
thinking about it over and over is because having a
broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying
to protect you from going through this pain ever again.
When you have a recurring negative thought, first
pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for
trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say,
“Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then
rethink the thought in a more realistic method -
“The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”
In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive
thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it
down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the
realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use
your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours.
What I've been providing you thus far are mini-lessons.
The powerful techniques to overcome this heartache reside
here => http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
"I will never meet anyone else..."
"I cannot live without this person..."
"This keeps happening, what is wrong with me?"
Okay, whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her,
you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue
is that they repeat themselves over and over and…you
get the point.
How do you get your mind to stop this chatter?
It's as if your mind has another operator that
is simply ignoring your commands. You may even
be saying STOP to your thoughts as they come,
pulling your hair, and really, really trying not
to think about your pain and break up, but the
thoughts still show up at the most inopportune
times.
First, understand you are not going crazy, this is
common post break-up behavior.
Next, the good part - there is a way to put an end
to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex,
your attachment to these thoughts has been hard
wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed
pathways in your brain…ok, ok, I won't go into the
science.
Let's get to the good stuff: techniques to overcome
repetitive negative thoughts.
The first method is to literally flip the thoughts
on their head with a more realistic, positive
statement. One of the statements I started with,
"I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common
post-break up fear. If you step back and focus
within, you know that this is simply not true.
Whether you're a youngster or late into your years,
the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is,
well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that
you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep
thinking about it over and over is because having a
broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying
to protect you from going through this pain ever again.
When you have a recurring negative thought, first
pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for
trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say,
“Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then
rethink the thought in a more realistic method -
“The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”
In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive
thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it
down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the
realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use
your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours.
What I've been providing you thus far are mini-lessons.
The powerful techniques to overcome this heartache reside
here => http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
See you tomorrow with lesson 3 of 5: Constant Reminders be gone
Love & Light,
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. If these mini-lessons resonate with you, then
the full healing lessons will accelerate your healing.
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. If these mini-lessons resonate with you, then
the full healing lessons will accelerate your healing.
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Day 1 of healing my broken heart
Hi,
As promised, here is the extended analysis of your survey results and an important healing lesson.
You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness -Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome - You may not be able to get your ex, the break up or the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible Soulmate - It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, the one that made you who you are and want to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?
Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:
Lesson 1:
The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.
The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.
Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know this to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.
Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.
The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.
For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
from work or when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be to go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and to listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.
The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.
The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.
Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want is to have
company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week - it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.
To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness -Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome - You may not be able to get your ex, the break up or the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible Soulmate - It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, the one that made you who you are and want to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?
Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:
Lesson 1:
The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.
The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.
Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know this to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.
Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.
The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.
For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
from work or when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be to go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and to listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.
The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.
The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.
Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want is to have
company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week - it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.
To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
See you tomorrow for Lesson 2: Flip Your Thoughts
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. I'm a real person. I look forward to getting
to know you better.
to know you better.
P.P.S. Healing takes action. Your homework is to
spare 6 minutes right now in order to watch the
core beliefs video =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
spare 6 minutes right now in order to watch the
core beliefs video =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
Just how broken is my heart?
Your Results…
We’ve tabulated your survey answers. Read your evaluation in full with recommendations below. You will also receive an extended analysis via email from me, Amelie Chance. It seems you fall into a category called “Emptiness”, a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is your initial evaluation that I wanted to share with you. Below that, please find my recommendations for a path to start healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness. Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome. You may not be able to get your ex, the break, up and the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible soulmate. It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, that made you who you are and wanted to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
It sounds pretty bad, but of all the results from the survey, I relate most to the emptiness category. I can tell you there is hope to feel better. I was in this place a few years ago while running my business. I had lost my soulmate and thought my life was over. The story is pretty personal, but I know if you are feeling empty, no matter how impossible it seems, you can feel better and remarkable relief to your broken heart.
I fell to the floor clutching my chest – I couldn’t breathe. Unfortunately, that floor was in bathroom of the 100-person office where I was the owner & CEO.
I knew my broken heart had taken over my life…I mean what was I doing lying on the floor crying? My staff was counting on me and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was gasping for breath thinking it was a possible heart attack, but deep inside I knew the truth…
If you have a broken heart, we are bonded by a shared experience. I consider you a friend. Please listen to my story as a friend…
What I described above is a true story. I was co-owner of a very busy, very demanding technology business, and I was a disaster. I had lost the love of my life and time wasn’t healing my wounds. I decided to fight back. I researched to find a solution to my heartbreak. As I said, I saw therapists, I read self-help books, I watched videos, listened to audios, meditated, did yoga, and much more. I was mad to find the solution. You know how I felt after all that? A little better, but not much.
Then I stumbled upon Positive Psychology and everything changed. Positive Psychology – I know it sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but it’s a real science that studies the strengths that allow humans and cultures to flourish. Finally – a science that examines not what is wrong with us, but rather, what is right with us. Positive Psychology studies our strengths and provides practical ways to improve our lives. My study of Positive Psychology is what pushed me to quickly find my better, brighter future. In fact, I left technology, started writing, became a best-selling author, and I’m now very happily married to someone I truly adore.I never thought this was possible, but it is and I can show you how to heal too.
You will understand why this happened and how this will lead to a better, brighter future.
You will find out if you should be friends with your ex or not.
You will learn the real fixes to the pain of the loneliness.
You will discover the technique to stop obsessive behavior such as refreshing your email and checking your phone every 5 minutes for a text from my ex.
You will create a path to a new future that is better than the one I had originally imagined.
I know this sounds inconceivable. I found the path from lost love back to the fire of life once again.
Please listen to me. The reason I’m putting such a personal, private story out there is to let you know you are not alone. Telling you I was lying on a bathroom floor is not exactly me sharing a high point in my life with you; but I feel it is necessary. I have found a way to heal, and now it is my duty to share it with anyone else who has a broken heart. I’m sharing my techniques with you right here.
Here is the truth: Love isn’t what hurts. It’s losing love that’s excruciating.
Inside, you are torn apart:
· You feel as if you will never meet anyone else
· You are scared to death that you will grow old alone
· You are too frightened to ever open up your heart to love anyone else
· You don’t see a point in going on with your life
Your friends can say whatever they want to try to comfort you. And there love and attention is appreciated, but it’s like taking a low milligram aspirin for a migraine. It may ease the pain briefly, but the underlying problem is still there, gnawing at you. Listening to your friends might actually be making things worse. Your friends will help to perpetuate the three biggest myths about dealing with heartbreak. And they’ll keep repeating them, with good intentions, but crippling results.
Myth #1: “Time heals all wounds.”
Myth #2: “It has to get much worse before it gets better.”
Myth #3: “The best remedy is to date someone else.”
Fact 1: Time will heal you when you take real action. You must make a conscious effort to take the steps to get rid of the negative thoughts, alleviate anxiety, combat depression, and find happiness again. We show you how.
Fact 2: It can get better from Day 1 after your break up. That is a pretty bold statement, but it is true. There is no magic bullet, but there are powerful ways to change your perspective and readjust your internal pain centers.
Fact 3: There is a right time to starting dating again. Getting back into the dating game too soon can slow down your healing to a halt and even push you a few steps back. Get the right advice from the experts on when and how to find love again.
In this world, it is relationships that connect us with one another. A relationship bonded by deep love forms a connection of the heart, mind, and soul, and hence, the reason for its great might. Once we are connected in this fashion, is it possible to disconnect? Just because the words ‘break up’ have been used, does not mean the feelings have dissolved. Releasing a love is a challenge for anyone, but the thought of losing the friendship can seem intolerable. Many times this is the reason we keep in contact with our ex after a break up – after all, they were our best friend.
So, should you continue talking to them, responding to and sending texts, and just keeping in contact? Not if one of these three things apply:
1) Circular Reference: Your ex is someone to whom you turned to for advice. That type of dynamic generally doesn’t change when you try to remain friends. Unfortunately, the person giving you advice about something cannot be part of the advice that needs to be given. All of the qualities you seek in a advisor – objectivity, unbiased opinion, the truth – are lost in this scenario. She or he cannot help you get over her or him. And biting your tongue or holding back what you really want to talk about will just put you back into a place of pain.
2) The Pain Resurfaces: If you still have feelings for your ex, which you do after a break up, then every time you see them the pain resurfaces at the same intensity level. At Heal My Broken Heart, we are trying to provide you exercises to actively heal your heart; however, these exercises are diluted in their effectiveness each time you start from square one again.
3) Jealousy Multiplies: If you have thoughts of your ex with someone else, whether these are based reality or conjured in our minds. When you remain ‘friends’ with an ex, this feeling is exaggerated. You will be subconsciously looking for anything in his or her discussion that indicates they are still into you or into someone else. This can keep you up for nights at a time – even if it isn’t true. Bottom line, you may be torturing yourself.
This issue is not black and white and requires some more examination. If you work together, live together, or share children, there are additional issues to talk about. Can you ever be friends? Absolutely – at the right point in time. The when, how, and why’s of how to heal from losing love and friendship is what you need to learn.
Love & Light,
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Best-Selling Author
Your Personal Healing Coach
P.P.S. Below is just one of the thousands of the emails I have received in feedback to my lessons. I hope to help you through your pain as well.
We’ve tabulated your survey answers. Read your evaluation in full with recommendations below. You will also receive an extended analysis via email from me, Amelie Chance. It seems you fall into a category called “Emptiness”, a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is your initial evaluation that I wanted to share with you. Below that, please find my recommendations for a path to start healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness. Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome. You may not be able to get your ex, the break, up and the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible soulmate. It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, that made you who you are and wanted to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
It sounds pretty bad, but of all the results from the survey, I relate most to the emptiness category. I can tell you there is hope to feel better. I was in this place a few years ago while running my business. I had lost my soulmate and thought my life was over. The story is pretty personal, but I know if you are feeling empty, no matter how impossible it seems, you can feel better and remarkable relief to your broken heart.
I fell to the floor clutching my chest – I couldn’t breathe. Unfortunately, that floor was in bathroom of the 100-person office where I was the owner & CEO.
I knew my broken heart had taken over my life…I mean what was I doing lying on the floor crying? My staff was counting on me and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was gasping for breath thinking it was a possible heart attack, but deep inside I knew the truth…
The love of my life, the center of my everyday exciting and mundane activities, the one who brought a thrill and calm like no other I had ever experienced had walked away. I was crushed. No, no, not crushed. That doesn’t begin to describe it. I was left a shell of my previous self…hollow inside. Empty.
This broken heart had taken over my emotions, stripped me of the meaning in my life. I wondered if anything I had worked towards actually mattered anymore. The house, the car, my friends, my hobbies, and honestly even my family seemed completely meaningless…without him. I didn’t see how I was going to get through it. So, as I lie there crumpled on the ground I did the only thing I knew how – I got up.
I got up and I decided it had been long enough. To be honest, the day of the bathroom incident, it had been 2 years since the break up, but the memory was still very fresh. I decided that I was going to search out the solution to healing a broken heart, because I didn’t buy that ‘time heals all wounds’. It certainly didn’t for me. In fact, it festered and grew like this blob of uncontrollable despair that had overtaken my life. I had hit rock bottom and I decided it was time to climb back up and be the person I knew I still was inside.
Here is the reality I discovered: No matter if you’ve broken up from a long marriage or if this was your first love, no matter how impossible it may seem – you can heal. No matter if you are 20 or 60, life can still go on and be not only meaningful, but better and brighter than before. And not because you ‘waited’ for time to heal, but because there is a way to heal your broken heart.
If you have a broken heart, we are bonded by a shared experience. I consider you a friend. Please listen to my story as a friend…
What I described above is a true story. I was co-owner of a very busy, very demanding technology business, and I was a disaster. I had lost the love of my life and time wasn’t healing my wounds. I decided to fight back. I researched to find a solution to my heartbreak. As I said, I saw therapists, I read self-help books, I watched videos, listened to audios, meditated, did yoga, and much more. I was mad to find the solution. You know how I felt after all that? A little better, but not much.
Then I stumbled upon Positive Psychology and everything changed. Positive Psychology – I know it sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but it’s a real science that studies the strengths that allow humans and cultures to flourish. Finally – a science that examines not what is wrong with us, but rather, what is right with us. Positive Psychology studies our strengths and provides practical ways to improve our lives. My study of Positive Psychology is what pushed me to quickly find my better, brighter future. In fact, I left technology, started writing, became a best-selling author, and I’m now very happily married to someone I truly adore.I never thought this was possible, but it is and I can show you how to heal too.
You will understand why this happened and how this will lead to a better, brighter future.
You will find out if you should be friends with your ex or not.
You will learn the real fixes to the pain of the loneliness.
You will discover the technique to stop obsessive behavior such as refreshing your email and checking your phone every 5 minutes for a text from my ex.
You will create a path to a new future that is better than the one I had originally imagined.
I know this sounds inconceivable. I found the path from lost love back to the fire of life once again.
Please listen to me. The reason I’m putting such a personal, private story out there is to let you know you are not alone. Telling you I was lying on a bathroom floor is not exactly me sharing a high point in my life with you; but I feel it is necessary. I have found a way to heal, and now it is my duty to share it with anyone else who has a broken heart. I’m sharing my techniques with you right here.
Here is the truth: Love isn’t what hurts. It’s losing love that’s excruciating.
Inside, you are torn apart:
· You feel as if you will never meet anyone else
· You are scared to death that you will grow old alone
· You are too frightened to ever open up your heart to love anyone else
· You don’t see a point in going on with your life
Your friends can say whatever they want to try to comfort you. And there love and attention is appreciated, but it’s like taking a low milligram aspirin for a migraine. It may ease the pain briefly, but the underlying problem is still there, gnawing at you. Listening to your friends might actually be making things worse. Your friends will help to perpetuate the three biggest myths about dealing with heartbreak. And they’ll keep repeating them, with good intentions, but crippling results.
Myth #1: “Time heals all wounds.”
Myth #2: “It has to get much worse before it gets better.”
Myth #3: “The best remedy is to date someone else.”
Ugh! These Myths Are False! Who is Spreading This Limited Thinking Around? It’s Not Helping You. It’s Hurting You.
Fact 1: Time will heal you when you take real action. You must make a conscious effort to take the steps to get rid of the negative thoughts, alleviate anxiety, combat depression, and find happiness again. We show you how.
Fact 2: It can get better from Day 1 after your break up. That is a pretty bold statement, but it is true. There is no magic bullet, but there are powerful ways to change your perspective and readjust your internal pain centers.
Fact 3: There is a right time to starting dating again. Getting back into the dating game too soon can slow down your healing to a halt and even push you a few steps back. Get the right advice from the experts on when and how to find love again.
Powerful Tip 1: Friendship with An Ex Answered
In this world, it is relationships that connect us with one another. A relationship bonded by deep love forms a connection of the heart, mind, and soul, and hence, the reason for its great might. Once we are connected in this fashion, is it possible to disconnect? Just because the words ‘break up’ have been used, does not mean the feelings have dissolved. Releasing a love is a challenge for anyone, but the thought of losing the friendship can seem intolerable. Many times this is the reason we keep in contact with our ex after a break up – after all, they were our best friend.
So, should you continue talking to them, responding to and sending texts, and just keeping in contact? Not if one of these three things apply:
1) Circular Reference: Your ex is someone to whom you turned to for advice. That type of dynamic generally doesn’t change when you try to remain friends. Unfortunately, the person giving you advice about something cannot be part of the advice that needs to be given. All of the qualities you seek in a advisor – objectivity, unbiased opinion, the truth – are lost in this scenario. She or he cannot help you get over her or him. And biting your tongue or holding back what you really want to talk about will just put you back into a place of pain.
2) The Pain Resurfaces: If you still have feelings for your ex, which you do after a break up, then every time you see them the pain resurfaces at the same intensity level. At Heal My Broken Heart, we are trying to provide you exercises to actively heal your heart; however, these exercises are diluted in their effectiveness each time you start from square one again.
3) Jealousy Multiplies: If you have thoughts of your ex with someone else, whether these are based reality or conjured in our minds. When you remain ‘friends’ with an ex, this feeling is exaggerated. You will be subconsciously looking for anything in his or her discussion that indicates they are still into you or into someone else. This can keep you up for nights at a time – even if it isn’t true. Bottom line, you may be torturing yourself.
This issue is not black and white and requires some more examination. If you work together, live together, or share children, there are additional issues to talk about. Can you ever be friends? Absolutely – at the right point in time. The when, how, and why’s of how to heal from losing love and friendship is what you need to learn.
Now, for your extended analysis and first healing lesson – check your email and look for an email from me, Amelie Chance.
Love & Light,
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Best-Selling Author
Your Personal Healing Coach
P.S. You can change your results by changing your actions. I have been where you are and it is possible to feel relief. For your extended analysis and healing lesson, go check your email.
P.P.S. Below is just one of the thousands of the emails I have received in feedback to my lessons. I hope to help you through your pain as well.
“I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this for me and the many others. At the beginning of the break up I felt like I would never love again and that my life has ended. Thanks to all your advice, I now have the courage to face every new day. My heart has healed tremendously and I feel like I can now really move on. If it wasn’t for your words then I would probably still be in that dark place of my life. Thank you, thank you!” – A.R.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Broken Hearts and Fairy Tales
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Life is so frustrating, and it's getting over rated.
A broken heart, a fairytale it's all the same to me.
But I don't wanna be just waiting patiently
For life to come and take me away.
So I'm sitting here in silence,
and I'm pretty sure that violence
Is the only form of love I'll ever know.
But I guess that goes to show that even those filled up
with hope
have less than you can tell meets the eye.
And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again;
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this hurts you too.
Life is so degrading, and I'm pretty sure I hate it.
I gotta get myself out of this town.
Before I'm broken down, lying shattered on the ground,
For all the world to see who I am.
And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
Said,you lead me on and on and on again,
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this kills you too.
I wish I never loved you;
I wish I didn't care.
Life is so frustrating, and it's getting over rated.
A broken heart, a fairytale it's all the same to me.
But I don't wanna be just waiting patiently
For life to come and take me away.
So I'm sitting here in silence,
and I'm pretty sure that violence
Is the only form of love I'll ever know.
But I guess that goes to show that even those filled up
with hope
have less than you can tell meets the eye.
And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again;
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this hurts you too.
Life is so degrading, and I'm pretty sure I hate it.
I gotta get myself out of this town.
Before I'm broken down, lying shattered on the ground,
For all the world to see who I am.
And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
Said,you lead me on and on and on again,
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this kills you too.
I wish I never loved you;
I wish I didn't care.
I would love to be loved someday for who I am and not what I can give someone
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Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody when the night's so long
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that prove to me
All I need, every breath that I breathe
Don't ya know, you're beautiful
Yeah, yeah
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
I look at you
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
You appear just like a dream to me
Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody when the night's so long
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone
Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that prove to me
All I need, every breath that I breathe
Don't ya know, you're beautiful
Yeah, yeah
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
I look at you
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
You appear just like a dream to me
Monday, November 28, 2011
Living with BiPolar and Personality Disorder Husbands
As I sit here in the light of the morning with a cuppa coffee in my hand and the time since my encounter with the crazy man is farther behind me every minute I stop and remember he cant help it any more than he can help that his eyes are blue or that he is gorgeous.... yup, beautiful men are my weakness... and then on top of it I tend to believe in the best of people... so I ended up spending years, once again, believing he "could change"... well, I am over that.
So, this is what I am trying to remember today:
Psychotherapy for patients with personality disorders focuses on helping them see the unconscious conflicts that are contributing to or causing their symptoms. It also helps people become more flexible and is aimed at reducing the behavior patterns that interfere with everyday living.
In psychotherapy, people with personality disorders can better recognize the effects of their behavior on others. Behavior and cognitive therapies focus on resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships.
So, this is what I am trying to remember today:
What is “Personality?”
Personality refers to a distinctive set of traits, behavior styles, and patterns that make up our character or individuality. How we perceive the world, our attitudes, thoughts, and feelings are all part of our personality. People with healthy personalities are able to cope with normal stresses and have no trouble forming relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.What is a Personality Disorder?
Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are “normal” or “right,” people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities.Recognizing a Personality Disorder
A personality disorder must fulfill several criteria. A deeply ingrained, inflexible pattern of relating, perceiving, and thinking serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning is a personality disorder. Personality disorders are usually recognizable by adolescence or earlier, continue throughout adulthood, and become less obvious throughout middle age.What Causes a Personality Disorder?
Some experts believe that events occurring in early childhood exert a powerful influence upon behavior later in life. Others indicate that people are genetically predisposed to personality disorders. In some cases, however, environmental facts may cause a person who is already genetically vulnerable to develop a personality disorder.Types of Personality Disorders
There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. Many of these fall into three different categories or clusters:- Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behavior
- Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior
- Cluster C: Anxious fearful behavior
Cluster A:
- Schizoid Personality Disorder. Schizoid personalities are introverted, withdrawn, solitary, emotionally cold, and distant. They are often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and are fearful of closeness and intimacy with others. For example, a person suffering from schizoid personality is more of a daydreamer than a practical action taker.
- Paranoid Personality Disorder. The essential feature for this type of personality disorder is interpreting the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with paranoid personality disorder are untrusting, unforgiving, and prone to angry or aggressive outbursts without justification because they perceive others as unfaithful, disloyal, condescending or deceitful. This type of person may also be jealous, guarded, secretive, and scheming, and may appear to be emotionally “cold” or excessively serious.
- Schizotypal Personality Disorder. A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.
Cluster B:
- Antisocial Personality Disorder. People with antisocial personality disorder characteristically act out their conflicts and ignore normal rules of social behavior. These individuals are impulsive, irresponsible, and callous. Typically, the antisocial personality has a history of legal difficulties, belligerent and irresponsible behavior, aggressive and even violent relationships. They show no respect for other people and feel no remorse about the effects of their behavior on others. These people ware at high risk for substance abuse, especially alcoholism, since it helps them to relieve tension, irritability and boredom.
- Borderline Personality Disorder. People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-multilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.
Cluster C:
- Avoidant Personality Disorder. Avoidant personalities are often hypersensitive to rejection and are unwilling to become involved with others unless they are sure of being liked. Excessive social discomfort, timidity, fear of criticism, avoidance of social or work activities that involve interpersonal contact are characteristic of the avoidant personality. They are fearful of saying something considered foolish by others; worry they will blush or cry in front of others; and are very hurt by any disapproval by others. People with avoidant personality disorder may have no close relationships outside of their family circle, although they would like to, and are upset at their inability to relate well to others.
- Dependent Personality Disorder. People with dependent personality disorder may exhibit a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior, relying on others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and advice, and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. They feel uncomfortable and helpless if they are alone, and can be devastated when a close relationship ends. They have a strong fear of rejection. Typically lacking in self-confidence, the dependent personality rarely initiates projects or does things independently. This disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is diagnosed more frequently in females than males.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Compulsive personalities are conscientious and have high levels of aspiration, but they also strive for perfection. Never satisfied with their achievements, people with compulsive personality disorder take on more and more responsibilities. They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility often makes them incapable of adapting to changed circumstances. People with compulsive personality are highly cautious, weigh all aspects of a problem, and pay attention to every detail, making it difficult for them to make decisions and complete tasks. When their feelings are not under strict control, events are unpredictable, or they must rely on others, compulsive personalities often feel a sense of isolation and helplessness.
Professional Help
When these characteristics are carried to an extreme, when they endure over time and when they interfere with healthy functioning, a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or mental health professional is recommended.Treatment of the Personality Disorder
There are many types of help available for the different personality disorders. Treatment may include individual, group, or family psychotherapy. Medications, prescribed by a patient’s physician, may also be helpful in relieving some of the symptoms of personality disorders, including problems with anxiety and perceptions.Psychotherapy for patients with personality disorders focuses on helping them see the unconscious conflicts that are contributing to or causing their symptoms. It also helps people become more flexible and is aimed at reducing the behavior patterns that interfere with everyday living.
In psychotherapy, people with personality disorders can better recognize the effects of their behavior on others. Behavior and cognitive therapies focus on resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships.
There is Hope
The more you learn about personality disorders the more you will understand that they are illnesses, with causes and treatments. People can improve with proper care. By seeking out information you can recognize the signs and symptoms of a personality disorder and help yourself or someone you know live a healthier more fulfilling life.Sunday, November 27, 2011
And another one bites the dust.
Dreams tend to be frail things around me... they die terrible deaths in my wake.
As I sit here and remember my day I realize my mother actually gave me a positive word of encouragement today. I was crying at the remembering of what the man who promised to love me said to me and my mother said, "All men are not like that, there are men out there who actually are normal and not narcissictic. Those are just the ones you tend to pick." Oh well... she tried, and I do understand what she meant to say even if she wasn't able to just end that sentence sooner.
My marriage of almost 7 years is pretty much laying in a heap on the floor and all I can cry about is the one that ended before that, the one that I was in for almost 20 years. It has bouyed itself up off the ocean floor where I thought I had placed enough rocks on it to make it stay there, but here it is.... taking on a life of its own... probably because that is where most of my damage comes from. Fueled by my pain.
I had just typed a few more paragraphs but it's gone... damn laptop mouse strikes again... and I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to do it again.
Tomorrow....
As I sit here and remember my day I realize my mother actually gave me a positive word of encouragement today. I was crying at the remembering of what the man who promised to love me said to me and my mother said, "All men are not like that, there are men out there who actually are normal and not narcissictic. Those are just the ones you tend to pick." Oh well... she tried, and I do understand what she meant to say even if she wasn't able to just end that sentence sooner.
My marriage of almost 7 years is pretty much laying in a heap on the floor and all I can cry about is the one that ended before that, the one that I was in for almost 20 years. It has bouyed itself up off the ocean floor where I thought I had placed enough rocks on it to make it stay there, but here it is.... taking on a life of its own... probably because that is where most of my damage comes from. Fueled by my pain.
I had just typed a few more paragraphs but it's gone... damn laptop mouse strikes again... and I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to do it again.
Tomorrow....
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