Lonely Christmas

Well... the kids are having fun. They are out of school this week and we have intertwined work and play... do this chore and bake cookies.... do that chore and play a game.... and so on. The two kids I have guardianship of are with their mom this week and I only have the two I adopted.... man, is the house ever quiet. I can't think about it or I will cry. She called me and I could hear the baby in the background saying "I want my mom". I lost it and cried like a baby myself. She's not a little baby, she's going to be 2 the end of January and is saying more words everyday, she is just an amazing little girl.

Most of the boxes are unpacked, it was quite fun finding the christmas dishes and the crystal, I believe it has been packed for at least 3 years. With a unperdictable husband the first thing to pack away is the fine china.

Dinner with the new guy was nice, we laughed and talked and had a great time. He calls and emails me constantly but his old girlfriend who left him last summer to run off and "save" her daughter from her father has called him this week and told him she has decided she wants to come back.  She says she wants to "talk" to him about it... Its the story of my life... a day late and a dollar short. I haven't heard from him tonight so I am betting she has come back a day earlier than she said she was going to. Well... thats the end of that now, isn't it? We all know how that rolls... just a bit depressed tonight.

I bought myself a Christmas present; I ordered the blue ray 70th anniversery addition of Gone With the Wind.... and... it came with an instant digital movie that you can watch immediately. I watched half of it last night... so, now, I am going to finish watching it... maybe I will go and find a snack too... I got on the scale and I have lost 2 pounds this week... I better go eat something. I just don't think to eat when I am stressed or feeling out of sorts... or busy and this has been a week full of all of the above.

Good Night All

How to Escape

Even though I am out of the crazy mans house I feel responsible for him... why do I feel that way? I want to go on with my life and I feel I will just be stuck here.
I met a really nice guy who is into me; he's 5 years older than I am and he's secure and has his life together. He was raised well by his parents and wants to take me out to dinner. Please God, don't let the damage I have sustained show, just let it heal.. the scars shouldn't show too much. I dream of a normal guy and a normal life... it that too much to ask for? (He's handsome & 6' 3" tall, built well.... kind, respectful... and he called me smart... heavy sigh) He is really good for my ego.
Its kind of funny how my brain works to protect me. In a blink of an eye I had already worked out that this nice guy spent time with me, found me lacking and not worth the effort and was gone.... all before I have even gone out to dinner with him. Well... since it can't get any worse than that I will just relax and have a good time... pray for me... I haven't been out on a "date" in... eeegads... eons... I began dating that other guy in 1996... Crazy man and I didn't really date... (unless you want to call going out to dinner last week a date... where he forgot to bring money so we couldn't go to the movies?) we just moved in together... bad move; in defense of my actions it was only supposed to be temporary, I wasn't supposed to marry him. I probabloy wouldn't have if I wouldn't have been bullied so.

Should I feel Guilty?

After my my last divorce I felt so out of control of the direction my life had gone that all I did was box up everything I owned and left it there for 5 years until I was ready to deal with it. It was like therapy; with every box I went through and every item I either passed on, kept or threw away I delt with a memory or a time frame and threw out the emotional baggage that went with it.
I am finding I am not having that problem now, I am only taking with me what I want and leaving the rest... I was thinking about this the other day; I do not feel devestated that I will not have my kids dad in my life like I once did, I can live with the only contact being the kids. I am not sad or filled with regret, I don't cry when I think of him. I only feel relief that I am away from him and I feel free and lighter now that I am alone.
And being raised by my grandmother who always placed the weight of the world on her own shoulders and showed that example to me, makes me wonder if I should feel guilty because I am not sad about not being with this man who I vowed to love till death do us part....
I have been reading my al-anon book again and damaged crazy man is also a sober alcoholic who is not using program steps and all the things I have been doing are the emotional self-preservation steps to keeping my sanity and joy and I will not feel guilty for it!!

I have more beautiful things to think about than that!

Alcoholism (alcohol dependence) and alcohol abuse are two different forms of problem drinking.

• Alcoholism is when you have signs of physical addiction to alcohol and continues to drink, despite problems with physical health, mental health, and social, family, or job responsibilities. Alcohol may control your life and relationships.
• Alcohol abuse is when your drinking leads to problems, but not physical addiction.

Monday...

I found out the crazyman asked one of the nurses out but she turned him down. Thats when he asked me out... then he asked me to give him time because he loves me.

 If he really wanted to be with me to begin with wouldn't he have acted like it?

I believe that man needs to come with a warning label.... the thought of him out there dating makes me cringe.

I am going to bed.... I just haven't anymore thoughts to add....

Well.... maybe one:

http://youtu.be/HH7WXlf9WLk

Mistake

Hi,

I know I sent out the final lesson to you yesterday,
but I recently created a video on how to avoid a
big mistake that many of us make after a break-up.
I wanted to share it with you.

You can find the video here:
www.healmybrokenheart.com/avoid

Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
HealMyBrokenHeart.com
-------------------------------------------

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
~Christopher Reeve

the Final Lesson

Hi,

If you’ve read the 4 previous lessons, then you
know I like to tell it like it is. So, here
it is: Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact,
in the case of a broken heart, time can make it
worse.

Note: The most remarkable relief to your heartache
can be found by taking the very specific steps here:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Why do so many people think that time is the
miracle maker?

It is because after time goes by we do feel
better. Did I just contradict myself? No, time can
make us feel better, but often we simply
mask the original problems - we don't resolve them.

For example, have you had a day where you're feeling
okay...then you hear a song that reminds you of your
ex? This trigger can cause a break down. We can
fall into fits of pain when the root of the problem
remains within us. Time can push trauma deep inside
to hide from our conscious mind; unfortunately,
nothing hides from the subconscious mind.
If you do nothing at this point but allow time
to pass, you may be listening to a song months
or years from now and have the same reaction.
If you are suffering from true heartbreak, the
only real way to heal is to walk straight through
your pain and release it. Okay, you're thinking,
how do I do that?
Take action from these lessons you are reading!
Action is what will get your through your heartache
as opposed to letting time continue to pass.
So, first make a pact with yourself and me that
you are going to incorporate some of the practices
I have provided over the last 5 days into your
daily routine.
Next, ask yourself...what are my choices ahead?
You probably recognize at his juncture there is a
fork in the road ahead of you. One path is to
let time pass by and see how you feel. The other path
is to make the choice to fight this pain and heal.
Choose to fight.
How? Bear with me for one second and I'll tell you.
When I started helping people heal their broken
hearts, my intention was to be able to coach everyone
through healing. I clearly recall my suffering and
NO ONE should have to endure that type
of pain. It is my firm belief we stay in pain cycles
too long because someone convinced us that we need
this "time" to heal. False.
I began my coaching programs via email. People would
email me their story and we would have dialogue back and
forth. In time, I became inundated - there were too many
people that needed help. I couldn't provide quality time
to each person in need of advice. It hurt me - they were in
so much pain and I knew I could help, but I was just
spread too thin.
This is why I designed the Step to Heal program. I wanted
everyone to have access to the most powerful exercises
to help themselves heal. I started offering the Step to
Heal program and it was popular, BUT then I realized
that I was still not providing personal attention to everyone.
That's why I started sending out my mini email lessons so
that you get a taste of Step to Heal and how it can help.
If you want to really heal, you have to take the right action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
So, if you're interested in getting much more than just
another run of the mill self-help book, try Step to Heal.
Remember, each lesson in the Step to Heal program is
taught interactively. There is a little theory and a lot of
action. In fact, after each step, you are asked to
practice exercises within the interactive online forum.
When your mind acknowledges that you are taking action
to heal, your heart and body will follow suit.
Here are some more specific highlights of Step to Heal:
*Stomping out negative thinking, for good
*Releasing anxiety with simple, time tested exercises
*Determining what went wrong with the relationship
*Curing the lonely and empty feelings
*Learning the secrets to sleeping through the night again
*Discovering whether you were in a soulmate relationship
and learning what to do if you were.
*Re-designing your future with real, tangible methodology
*Much more
Don't forget - you get me. You will have access to me at
anytime you need – you can ask me questions at anytime.
Finally, the best part, you’ll have access the community.
Once you join, you’ll be in contact with a group of
people in similar situations. The community is not a place
where misery loves company, it’s a place where members
uplift one another.
For remarkable relief to your heartache, you need to take action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
P.S. If you choose not to take this route, I’m still here
for you. My life calling is to help people with their pain.
Send me an email and ask me any questions about the program.
I would be happy to answer them for you.
P.P.S. Want more lessons? You can go here
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

Lesson 4 - Losing a soulmate

 If you've lost your soulmate, I wrote this for you.

If you're in pain from a break up, but you know that
your ex wasn't your soulmate, this will still be of
great benefit.

Remember: You are reading this because you want
to heal. Take the best action to heal right here:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

9 years ago, I felt I had lost my soulmate. I had
been through a divorce and that was heart-wrenching,
but that's not what or to whom I am referring. After
my divorce, I met someone that I felt was my perfect
match. I had never felt that way before and never loved
that way before; he was the one I had been waiting for my
entire life.

He didn't feel the same. We parted and I died inside.
The day after I felt a chill go from my toes up through
my body until it found my chest. The cold went through
every vessel in my heart filling it with darkness and
stripping me of the hope of life.

If you feel like you've lost your soulmate, you realize
that I’m not being dramatic. You know that it is an
experience that is almost indescribable. As I've never
experienced death myself, I can only assume a bad break
up is a very close second.

If you feel anything like what I've described, then I
have one message I need you to hear - you WILL feel
better. In fact, you will feel better than you have
ever felt because you are on your way to a more authentic path.
A brighter future.

I know it sounds ridiculous – almost impossible, in fact.
But believe me, it is the absolute truth. The universe
operates in strange ways to get us to the happiest place we
can be and you are no exception to this path.

I went from the state I described above to a state of true
happiness by first researching every healing technique
available, reading every self-help book, going to therapists,
support groups,and even hypnotherapy. You know what
I got from this? Not much. I only learned about everything
that was wrong with me and it didn't help with my pain.

Then, I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine was talking
about an article in Time magazine called The Science of
Happiness. They were referring to what I now know as
Positive Psychology - a science which studies happiness.
Am I serious? Yes, very. It's not a pill, nor is it a joke.
Positive Psychology is a real science which focuses on how to
be happier. It is the study of what is right with us.

This really appealed to me. I devoured every book and
article written on the subject. I even went and received a
Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. I now use evidence-based research to help heal
broken hearts. I tested these techniques first on myself, then
on friends, and then on others suffering from a broken heart.
This is how my 15-step healing process was born.

Since then, thousands (no exaggeration) of people have
stepped through the process and I think if any of this resonates
with you, that you may consider trying it too at
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

The tip I want to leave you with today:

Create a vision for your life. Not 5 or 10 years out, but 20
or 30 years out. Imagine that you are 85 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to your future grandchild
and saying to them, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.

What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting
and what I like to call working backwards.

I explain it all in my guide & online process, Step to Heal:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

Was your ex your soulmate?

Stay tuned for 5 of 5: Does time heal your wounds?...

Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart

the third lesson - Reminders begone

Hi,

"Why does everything remind me of my ex?"

One of my clients, Ben, asked me this question and I
wanted to provide him and you the answer and solution.

"It’s impossible to stop thinking about it if everything
makes you think about it!" Ben explained.

Here is the reason: Our mind forms strong associations.
Okay, I didn’t drop a bomb with that fact, but here is
the interesting part...

When your brain stored memories of your ex,it took
along with it associations of sounds, smells, colors
and even things you were touching at the time. All
of those sensations form a powerful bond in your mind.

Now, when you think of your ex, you may remember
cologne they used to wear. The part you didn’t bargain
for is that it works in reverse. If you smell the
cologne, the memory of your ex comes right back up.

The smallest details will trigger a memory because
they lie deep within your subconscious mind. That’s why
you may feel like you’re having an okay day
when suddenly you hear a song that brings you to a
fit of tears. Do not feel bad – there is hope to break
some of these associations and ease your pain.

Here is the first tip: you need to make small changes
- immediately. Rearrange your furniture, cut your hair,
change your office at work, wear different perfume,
and listen to different songs. I am not advising you
to forget your ex. I am asking you to make minor
adjustment to ease your daily pain. Your associations
are strong and they are mostly subliminal – do not try
to fight them with your conscious logic.

If you haven’t done so already, gently put away the
more obvious reminders of your ex including pictures,
personal belongings, and anything else that reminds
you of them. No one is suggesting a bonfire in the front
yard – a box will do just fine. It can be upsetting
to remove these items, but keep in mind, it's not forever.

The next tip: try to socialize with a few people that did not
know you as a couple. Hanging out with all the same
friends can trigger the pain association. Mixing up some
friendships and social habits will provide tremendous
benefit.

So my question to you is, what are you going to change
today? How about a different route to work or drinking
a cup of tea instead coffee in the morning? Try it -it
will ease your pain.

Ben went through my Step to Heal program, and this is what
he had to say after the very first day, "I went through an
extremely difficult divorce. I would just like to say thank you,
because tonight I read the 1st step in the program and it was almost
like you were right here with me with the interactive videos. You
knew instinctively and exactly how I felt. Thank you for
everything you have done for me. You’ve given me renewed
optimism for the future.”


Love & Light,

Amelie Chance

Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart

P.S. Others have felt this pain and have found healing within
Step to Heal. Watch the video here:

http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

Second lesson on healing my broken heart

Hey, does this sound familiar?

"I will never meet anyone else..."

"I cannot live without this person..."

"This keeps happening, what is wrong with me?"

Okay, whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her,
you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue
is that they repeat themselves over and over and…you
get the point.

How do you get your mind to stop this chatter?

It's as if your mind has another operator that
is simply ignoring your commands. You may even
be saying STOP to your thoughts as they come,
pulling your hair, and really, really trying not
to think about your pain and break up, but the
thoughts still show up at the most inopportune
times.

First, understand you are not going crazy, this is
common post break-up behavior.

Next, the good part - there is a way to put an end
to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex,
your attachment to these thoughts has been hard
wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed
pathways in your brain…ok, ok, I won't go into the
science.

Let's get to the good stuff: techniques to overcome
repetitive negative thoughts.

The first method is to literally flip the thoughts
on their head with a more realistic, positive
statement. One of the statements I started with,
"I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common
post-break up fear. If you step back and focus
within, you know that this is simply not true.

Whether you're a youngster or late into your years,
the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is,
well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that
you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep
thinking about it over and over is because having a
broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying
to protect you from going through this pain ever again.

When you have a recurring negative thought, first
pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for
trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say,
“Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then
rethink the thought in a more realistic method -
“The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”

In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive
thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it
down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the
realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use
your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours.

What I've been providing you thus far are mini-lessons.
The powerful techniques to overcome this heartache reside
here => http://healmybrokenheart.com/next

See you tomorrow with lesson 3 of 5: Constant Reminders be gone

Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart

P.S. If these mini-lessons resonate with you, then
the full healing lessons will accelerate your healing.
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next