Geeze... what's wrong with people? I have a (so called) friend that I care about and I just texted her and asked her Whats up... and the reply was "why?" ... wtf? 

I am so tired of one sided friendships and relationships... I want someone to think about me once in a while. I hate that other peoples trials and tribulations hurt me too... I am tired of feeling for other people... I am done with people.

I will just stay in my corner of the world and become antisocial and selfcentered and lazy just like everyother person I have ever encountered. Let it snow!

I am a bit on the ((heavy sigh)) blah side today. Remember the guy? The "I am too old for you" guy? Well, since I couldn't have him for a boyfriend I decided to keep him as a friend... I am not sure that is working out very well.... or maybe too well... It seems his old girlfriend, who lived with him for a year and left six months ago to play in her familys drama.... wants to come back. He has history with her and I have to keep reminding myself that we had already decided to not have a relationship before she came into the picture....
He and I spend hours on the phone and email and text.... he's sent me pictures of every important person in his life to me... he wants me involved in his life. He's told me everything about everyone and everything in  his life... and continues to share. He has told HER that he is taking my kids fishing this summer... she's not happy about that.... but she left him...  six months ago... and isn't back... yet.
I just know he's a person who is on the same wavelength as I am and all the things I know and love fit nicely with the things he knows and loves.... I haven't had a connection like this in almost 25 years... I am not anxious to give it up... even if he won't ever be my "boyfriend" ((for lack of a better word)), I still believe he has a place in my life. Maybe I am just wishful thinking... maybe I am just filling space in his life till she gets back. I hope not... time will tell, won't it?

  

Happy New Year....

Is it really? I pray it will be... last year kind of sucked.
I just wish I had someone whao cared about what I care about... someone who I could share my life with.... someone I could tell "I shoveled all the slushy snow from the walk and the driveway" and they would care and maybe tell me to make sure I wore my gloves to keep warm.... you know... someone who cares about me.... I hate it that I am not anyones radar....

I spent last night with the crazy hubby and the kids.... he was trying to be nice and act like a normal person, we ate chinese food and watched a movie and kissed at midnight...  but by the time afternoon rolled around he was yelling and screaming at me and the kids to hurry up and get out to the car....

Once again, I let my guard down relaxed and expected a normal relationship to appear out of thin air between him and I.... ((heavy sigh)) I really need a boyfriend all my own... someone who I can actually invest some emotion in and not have it come back and bite me in the ass...