Day 1 of healing my broken heart

Hi,

As promised, here is the extended analysis of your survey results and an important healing lesson.

You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.

1 – You are suffering from Emptiness -Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.

2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome - You may not be able to get your ex, the break up or the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.

3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.

4 – Loss of a possible Soulmate - It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, the one that made you who you are and want to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.

Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?

Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:

Lesson 1:

The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.

The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.

Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know this to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.

Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.

The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.

For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
from work or when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be to go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and to listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.

The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.

The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.

Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want is to have
company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week - it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.

To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs

See you tomorrow for Lesson 2: Flip Your Thoughts

Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart

P.S. I'm a real person. I look forward to getting
to know you better.

P.P.S. Healing takes action. Your homework is to
spare 6 minutes right now in order to watch the
core beliefs video =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs

Just how broken is my heart?

Your Results…

We’ve tabulated your survey answers. Read your evaluation in full with recommendations below. You will also receive an extended analysis via email from me, Amelie Chance. It seems you fall into a category called “Emptiness”, a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is your initial evaluation that I wanted to share with you. Below that, please find my recommendations for a path to start healing today.

1 – You are suffering from Emptiness. Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.

2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome. You may not be able to get your ex, the break, up and the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.

3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.

4 – Loss of a possible soulmate. It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, that made you who you are and wanted to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.

It sounds pretty bad, but of all the results from the survey, I relate most to the emptiness category. I can tell you there is hope to feel better. I was in this place a few years ago while running my business. I had lost my soulmate and thought my life was over. The story is pretty personal, but I know if you are feeling empty, no matter how impossible it seems, you can feel better and remarkable relief to your broken heart.

I fell to the floor clutching my chest – I couldn’t breathe. Unfortunately, that floor was in bathroom of the 100-person office where I was the owner & CEO.

I knew my broken heart had taken over my life…I mean what was I doing lying on the floor crying? My staff was counting on me and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was gasping for breath thinking it was a possible heart attack, but deep inside I knew the truth…

The love of my life, the center of my everyday exciting and mundane activities, the one who brought a thrill and calm like no other I had ever experienced had walked away. I was crushed. No, no, not crushed. That doesn’t begin to describe it. I was left a shell of my previous self…hollow inside. Empty.

This broken heart had taken over my emotions, stripped me of the meaning in my life. I wondered if anything I had worked towards actually mattered anymore. The house, the car, my friends, my hobbies, and honestly even my family seemed completely meaningless…without him. I didn’t see how I was going to get through it. So, as I lie there crumpled on the ground I did the only thing I knew how – I got up.

I got up and I decided it had been long enough. To be honest, the day of the bathroom incident, it had been 2 years since the break up, but the memory was still very fresh. I decided that I was going to search out the solution to healing a broken heart, because I didn’t buy that ‘time heals all wounds’. It certainly didn’t for me. In fact, it festered and grew like this blob of uncontrollable despair that had overtaken my life. I had hit rock bottom and I decided it was time to climb back up and be the person I knew I still was inside.

Here is the reality I discovered: No matter if you’ve broken up from a long marriage or if this was your first love, no matter how impossible it may seem – you can heal. No matter if you are 20 or 60, life can still go on and be not only meaningful, but better and brighter than before. And not because you ‘waited’ for time to heal, but because there is a way to heal your broken heart.

If you have a broken heart, we are bonded by a shared experience. I consider you a friend. Please listen to my story as a friend…

What I described above is a true story. I was co-owner of a very busy, very demanding technology business, and I was a disaster. I had lost the love of my life and time wasn’t healing my wounds. I decided to fight back. I researched to find a solution to my heartbreak. As I said, I saw therapists, I read self-help books, I watched videos, listened to audios, meditated, did yoga, and much more. I was mad to find the solution. You know how I felt after all that? A little better, but not much.

Then I stumbled upon Positive Psychology and everything changed. Positive Psychology – I know it sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but it’s a real science that studies the strengths that allow humans and cultures to flourish. Finally – a science that examines not what is wrong with us, but rather, what is right with us. Positive Psychology studies our strengths and provides practical ways to improve our lives. My study of Positive Psychology is what pushed me to quickly find my better, brighter future. In fact, I left technology, started writing, became a best-selling author, and I’m now very happily married to someone I truly adore.I never thought this was possible, but it is and I can show you how to heal too.

You will understand why this happened and how this will lead to a better, brighter future.

You will find out if you should be friends with your ex or not.

You will learn the real fixes to the pain of the loneliness.

You will discover the technique to stop obsessive behavior such as refreshing your email and checking your phone every 5 minutes for a text from my ex.

You will create a path to a new future that is better than the one I had originally imagined.

I know this sounds inconceivable. I found the path from lost love back to the fire of life once again.

Please listen to me. The reason I’m putting such a personal, private story out there is to let you know you are not alone. Telling you I was lying on a bathroom floor is not exactly me sharing a high point in my life with you; but I feel it is necessary. I have found a way to heal, and now it is my duty to share it with anyone else who has a broken heart. I’m sharing my techniques with you right here.

Here is the truth: Love isn’t what hurts. It’s losing love that’s excruciating.

Inside, you are torn apart:

· You feel as if you will never meet anyone else
· You are scared to death that you will grow old alone
· You are too frightened to ever open up your heart to love anyone else
· You don’t see a point in going on with your life

Your friends can say whatever they want to try to comfort you. And there love and attention is appreciated, but it’s like taking a low milligram aspirin for a migraine. It may ease the pain briefly, but the underlying problem is still there, gnawing at you. Listening to your friends might actually be making things worse. Your friends will help to perpetuate the three biggest myths about dealing with heartbreak. And they’ll keep repeating them, with good intentions, but crippling results.

Myth #1: “Time heals all wounds.”

Myth #2: “It has to get much worse before it gets better.”

Myth #3: “The best remedy is to date someone else.”

Ugh! These Myths Are False! Who is Spreading This Limited Thinking Around? It’s Not Helping You. It’s Hurting You.

Fact 1: Time will heal you when you take real action. You must make a conscious effort to take the steps to get rid of the negative thoughts, alleviate anxiety, combat depression, and find happiness again. We show you how.

Fact 2: It can get better from Day 1 after your break up. That is a pretty bold statement, but it is true. There is no magic bullet, but there are powerful ways to change your perspective and readjust your internal pain centers.

Fact 3: There is a right time to starting dating again. Getting back into the dating game too soon can slow down your healing to a halt and even push you a few steps back. Get the right advice from the experts on when and how to find love again.

Powerful Tip 1: Friendship with An Ex Answered

In this world, it is relationships that connect us with one another. A relationship bonded by deep love forms a connection of the heart, mind, and soul, and hence, the reason for its great might. Once we are connected in this fashion, is it possible to disconnect? Just because the words ‘break up’ have been used, does not mean the feelings have dissolved. Releasing a love is a challenge for anyone, but the thought of losing the friendship can seem intolerable. Many times this is the reason we keep in contact with our ex after a break up – after all, they were our best friend.

So, should you continue talking to them, responding to and sending texts, and just keeping in contact? Not if one of these three things apply:

1) Circular Reference: Your ex is someone to whom you turned to for advice. That type of dynamic generally doesn’t change when you try to remain friends. Unfortunately, the person giving you advice about something cannot be part of the advice that needs to be given. All of the qualities you seek in a advisor – objectivity, unbiased opinion, the truth – are lost in this scenario. She or he cannot help you get over her or him. And biting your tongue or holding back what you really want to talk about will just put you back into a place of pain.

2) The Pain Resurfaces: If you still have feelings for your ex, which you do after a break up, then every time you see them the pain resurfaces at the same intensity level. At Heal My Broken Heart, we are trying to provide you exercises to actively heal your heart; however, these exercises are diluted in their effectiveness each time you start from square one again.

3) Jealousy Multiplies: If you have thoughts of your ex with someone else, whether these are based reality or conjured in our minds. When you remain ‘friends’ with an ex, this feeling is exaggerated. You will be subconsciously looking for anything in his or her discussion that indicates they are still into you or into someone else. This can keep you up for nights at a time – even if it isn’t true. Bottom line, you may be torturing yourself.

This issue is not black and white and requires some more examination. If you work together, live together, or share children, there are additional issues to talk about. Can you ever be friends? Absolutely – at the right point in time. The when, how, and why’s of how to heal from losing love and friendship is what you need to learn.

Now, for your extended analysis and first healing lesson – check your email and look for an email from me, Amelie Chance.

Love & Light,



Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Best-Selling Author
Your Personal Healing Coach

P.S. You can change your results by changing your actions. I have been where you are and it is possible to feel relief. For your extended analysis and healing lesson, go check your email.

P.P.S. Below is just one of the thousands of the emails I have received in feedback to my lessons. I hope to help you through your pain as well.

“I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this for me and the many others. At the beginning of the break up I felt like I would never love again and that my life has ended. Thanks to all your advice, I now have the courage to face every new day. My heart has healed tremendously and I feel like I can now really move on. If it wasn’t for your words then I would probably still be in that dark place of my life. Thank you, thank you!” – A.R.

Heal my Broken Heart

http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/

Broken Hearts and Fairy Tales

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Life is so frustrating, and it's getting over rated.
A broken heart, a fairytale it's all the same to me.
But I don't wanna be just waiting patiently
For life to come and take me away.

So I'm sitting here in silence,
and I'm pretty sure that violence
Is the only form of love I'll ever know.
But I guess that goes to show that even those filled up
with hope
have less than you can tell meets the eye.

And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again;
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this hurts you too.

Life is so degrading, and I'm pretty sure I hate it.
I gotta get myself out of this town.
Before I'm broken down, lying shattered on the ground,
For all the world to see who I am.

And you lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
You lead me on and on and on again,
And on and on and on again, you do.
Said,you lead me on and on and on again,
It's always on and on again;
I hope to God this kills you too.

I wish I never loved you;
I wish I didn't care.

I would love to be loved someday for who I am and not what I can give someone

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Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody when the night's so long
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone


Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that prove to me
All I need, every breath that I breathe
Don't ya know, you're beautiful

Yeah, yeah

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
I look at you

Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
You appear just like a dream to me

Living with BiPolar and Personality Disorder Husbands

As I sit here in the light of the morning with a cuppa coffee in my hand and the time since my encounter with the crazy man is farther behind me every minute I stop and remember he cant help it any more than he can help that his eyes are blue or that he is gorgeous.... yup, beautiful men are my weakness... and then on top of it I tend to believe in the best of people... so I ended up spending years, once again, believing he "could change"... well, I am over that.

So, this is what I am trying to remember today:

What is “Personality?”

Personality refers to a distinctive set of traits, behavior styles, and patterns that make up our character or individuality. How we perceive the world, our attitudes, thoughts, and feelings are all part of our personality. People with healthy personalities are able to cope with normal stresses and have no trouble forming relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

What is a Personality Disorder?

Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are “normal” or “right,” people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities.

Recognizing a Personality Disorder

A personality disorder must fulfill several criteria. A deeply ingrained, inflexible pattern of relating, perceiving, and thinking serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning is a personality disorder. Personality disorders are usually recognizable by adolescence or earlier, continue throughout adulthood, and become less obvious throughout middle age.

What Causes a Personality Disorder?

Some experts believe that events occurring in early childhood exert a powerful influence upon behavior later in life. Others indicate that people are genetically predisposed to personality disorders. In some cases, however, environmental facts may cause a person who is already genetically vulnerable to develop a personality disorder.

Types of Personality Disorders

There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. Many of these fall into three different categories or clusters:

• Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behavior
• Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior
• Cluster C: Anxious fearful behavior

Since there are too many identified types of personality disorders to explain in this context, we will only review a few in each cluster.

Cluster A:

• Schizoid Personality Disorder. Schizoid personalities are introverted, withdrawn, solitary, emotionally cold, and distant. They are often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and are fearful of closeness and intimacy with others. For example, a person suffering from schizoid personality is more of a daydreamer than a practical action taker.
• Paranoid Personality Disorder. The essential feature for this type of personality disorder is interpreting the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with paranoid personality disorder are untrusting, unforgiving, and prone to angry or aggressive outbursts without justification because they perceive others as unfaithful, disloyal, condescending or deceitful. This type of person may also be jealous, guarded, secretive, and scheming, and may appear to be emotionally “cold” or excessively serious.
• Schizotypal Personality Disorder. A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.

Cluster B:

• Antisocial Personality Disorder. People with antisocial personality disorder characteristically act out their conflicts and ignore normal rules of social behavior. These individuals are impulsive, irresponsible, and callous. Typically, the antisocial personality has a history of legal difficulties, belligerent and irresponsible behavior, aggressive and even violent relationships. They show no respect for other people and feel no remorse about the effects of their behavior on others. These people ware at high risk for substance abuse, especially alcoholism, since it helps them to relieve tension, irritability and boredom.
• Borderline Personality Disorder. People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-multilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.

Cluster C:

• Avoidant Personality Disorder. Avoidant personalities are often hypersensitive to rejection and are unwilling to become involved with others unless they are sure of being liked. Excessive social discomfort, timidity, fear of criticism, avoidance of social or work activities that involve interpersonal contact are characteristic of the avoidant personality. They are fearful of saying something considered foolish by others; worry they will blush or cry in front of others; and are very hurt by any disapproval by others. People with avoidant personality disorder may have no close relationships outside of their family circle, although they would like to, and are upset at their inability to relate well to others.
• Dependent Personality Disorder. People with dependent personality disorder may exhibit a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior, relying on others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and advice, and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. They feel uncomfortable and helpless if they are alone, and can be devastated when a close relationship ends. They have a strong fear of rejection. Typically lacking in self-confidence, the dependent personality rarely initiates projects or does things independently. This disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is diagnosed more frequently in females than males.
• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Compulsive personalities are conscientious and have high levels of aspiration, but they also strive for perfection. Never satisfied with their achievements, people with compulsive personality disorder take on more and more responsibilities. They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility often makes them incapable of adapting to changed circumstances. People with compulsive personality are highly cautious, weigh all aspects of a problem, and pay attention to every detail, making it difficult for them to make decisions and complete tasks. When their feelings are not under strict control, events are unpredictable, or they must rely on others, compulsive personalities often feel a sense of isolation and helplessness.

Professional Help

When these characteristics are carried to an extreme, when they endure over time and when they interfere with healthy functioning, a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or mental health professional is recommended.

Treatment of the Personality Disorder

There are many types of help available for the different personality disorders. Treatment may include individual, group, or family psychotherapy. Medications, prescribed by a patient’s physician, may also be helpful in relieving some of the symptoms of personality disorders, including problems with anxiety and perceptions.
Psychotherapy for patients with personality disorders focuses on helping them see the unconscious conflicts that are contributing to or causing their symptoms. It also helps people become more flexible and is aimed at reducing the behavior patterns that interfere with everyday living.
In psychotherapy, people with personality disorders can better recognize the effects of their behavior on others. Behavior and cognitive therapies focus on resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships.

There is Hope

The more you learn about personality disorders the more you will understand that they are illnesses, with causes and treatments. People can improve with proper care. By seeking out information you can recognize the signs and symptoms of a personality disorder and help yourself or someone you know live a healthier more fulfilling life.

And another one bites the dust.

Dreams tend to be frail things around me... they die terrible deaths in my wake.
As I sit here and remember my day I realize my mother actually gave me a positive word of encouragement today. I was crying at the remembering of what the man who promised to love me said to me and my mother said, "All men are not like that, there are men out there who actually are normal and not narcissictic. Those are just the ones you tend to pick." Oh well... she tried, and I do understand what she meant to say even if she wasn't able to just end that sentence sooner.

My marriage of almost 7 years is pretty much laying in a heap on the floor and all I can cry about is the one that ended before that, the one that I was in for almost 20 years. It has bouyed itself up off the ocean floor where I thought I had placed enough rocks on it to make it stay there, but here it is.... taking on a life of its own... probably because that is where most of my damage comes from.  Fueled by my pain.

I had just typed a few more paragraphs but it's gone... damn laptop mouse strikes again... and I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to do it again.

Tomorrow....