Dreams tend to be frail things around me... they die terrible deaths in my wake.
As I sit here and remember my day I realize my mother actually gave me a positive word of encouragement today. I was crying at the remembering of what the man who promised to love me said to me and my mother said, "All men are not like that, there are men out there who actually are normal and not narcissictic. Those are just the ones you tend to pick." Oh well... she tried, and I do understand what she meant to say even if she wasn't able to just end that sentence sooner.
My marriage of almost 7 years is pretty much laying in a heap on the floor and all I can cry about is the one that ended before that, the one that I was in for almost 20 years. It has bouyed itself up off the ocean floor where I thought I had placed enough rocks on it to make it stay there, but here it is.... taking on a life of its own... probably because that is where most of my damage comes from. Fueled by my pain.
I had just typed a few more paragraphs but it's gone... damn laptop mouse strikes again... and I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to do it again.
Tomorrow....
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