Even though I am out of the crazy mans house I feel responsible for him... why do I feel that way? I want to go on with my life and I feel I will just be stuck here.
I met a really nice guy who is into me; he's 5 years older than I am and he's secure and has his life together. He was raised well by his parents and wants to take me out to dinner. Please God, don't let the damage I have sustained show, just let it heal.. the scars shouldn't show too much. I dream of a normal guy and a normal life... it that too much to ask for? (He's handsome & 6' 3" tall, built well.... kind, respectful... and he called me smart... heavy sigh) He is really good for my ego.
Its kind of funny how my brain works to protect me. In a blink of an eye I had already worked out that this nice guy spent time with me, found me lacking and not worth the effort and was gone.... all before I have even gone out to dinner with him. Well... since it can't get any worse than that I will just relax and have a good time... pray for me... I haven't been out on a "date" in... eeegads... eons... I began dating that other guy in 1996... Crazy man and I didn't really date... (unless you want to call going out to dinner last week a date... where he forgot to bring money so we couldn't go to the movies?) we just moved in together... bad move; in defense of my actions it was only supposed to be temporary, I wasn't supposed to marry him. I probabloy wouldn't have if I wouldn't have been bullied so.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Should I feel Guilty?
After my my last divorce I felt so out of control of the direction my life had gone that all I did was box up everything I owned and left it there for 5 years until I was ready to deal with it. It was like therapy; with every box I went through and every item I either passed on, kept or threw away I delt with a memory or a time frame and threw out the emotional baggage that went with it.
I am finding I am not having that problem now, I am only taking with me what I want and leaving the rest... I was thinking about this the other day; I do not feel devestated that I will not have my kids dad in my life like I once did, I can live with the only contact being the kids. I am not sad or filled with regret, I don't cry when I think of him. I only feel relief that I am away from him and I feel free and lighter now that I am alone.
And being raised by my grandmother who always placed the weight of the world on her own shoulders and showed that example to me, makes me wonder if I should feel guilty because I am not sad about not being with this man who I vowed to love till death do us part....
I have been reading my al-anon book again and damaged crazy man is also a sober alcoholic who is not using program steps and all the things I have been doing are the emotional self-preservation steps to keeping my sanity and joy and I will not feel guilty for it!!
I have more beautiful things to think about than that!
Alcoholism (alcohol dependence) and alcohol abuse are two different forms of problem drinking.
I am finding I am not having that problem now, I am only taking with me what I want and leaving the rest... I was thinking about this the other day; I do not feel devestated that I will not have my kids dad in my life like I once did, I can live with the only contact being the kids. I am not sad or filled with regret, I don't cry when I think of him. I only feel relief that I am away from him and I feel free and lighter now that I am alone.
And being raised by my grandmother who always placed the weight of the world on her own shoulders and showed that example to me, makes me wonder if I should feel guilty because I am not sad about not being with this man who I vowed to love till death do us part....
I have been reading my al-anon book again and damaged crazy man is also a sober alcoholic who is not using program steps and all the things I have been doing are the emotional self-preservation steps to keeping my sanity and joy and I will not feel guilty for it!!
I have more beautiful things to think about than that!
Alcoholism (alcohol dependence) and alcohol abuse are two different forms of problem drinking.
- Alcoholism is when you have signs of physical addiction to alcohol and continues to drink, despite problems with physical health, mental health, and social, family, or job responsibilities. Alcohol may control your life and relationships.
- Alcohol abuse is when your drinking leads to problems, but not physical addiction.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Mistake
Hi,
You can find the video here:
www.healmybrokenheart.com/avoid
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
HealMyBrokenHeart.com
-------------------------------------------
"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
~Christopher Reeve
I know I sent out the final lesson to you yesterday,
but I recently created a video on how to avoid a
big mistake that many of us make after a break-up.
I wanted to share it with you.
but I recently created a video on how to avoid a
big mistake that many of us make after a break-up.
I wanted to share it with you.
You can find the video here:
www.healmybrokenheart.com/avoid
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
HealMyBrokenHeart.com
-------------------------------------------
"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
~Christopher Reeve
the Final Lesson
Hi,
can be found by taking the very specific steps here:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Why do so many people think that time is the
miracle maker?
okay...then you hear a song that reminds you of your
ex? This trigger can cause a break down. We can
fall into fits of pain when the root of the problem
remains within us. Time can push trauma deep inside
to hide from our conscious mind; unfortunately,
nothing hides from the subconscious mind.
If you do nothing at this point but allow time
to pass, you may be listening to a song months
or years from now and have the same reaction.
If you are suffering from true heartbreak, the
only real way to heal is to walk straight through
your pain and release it. Okay, you're thinking,
how do I do that?
Take action from these lessons you are reading!
Action is what will get your through your heartache
as opposed to letting time continue to pass.
So, first make a pact with yourself and me that
you are going to incorporate some of the practices
I have provided over the last 5 days into your
daily routine.
Next, ask yourself...what are my choices ahead?
You probably recognize at his juncture there is a
fork in the road ahead of you. One path is to
let time pass by and see how you feel. The other path
is to make the choice to fight this pain and heal.
Choose to fight.
How? Bear with me for one second and I'll tell you.
When I started helping people heal their broken
hearts, my intention was to be able to coach everyone
through healing. I clearly recall my suffering and
NO ONE should have to endure that type
of pain. It is my firm belief we stay in pain cycles
too long because someone convinced us that we need
this "time" to heal. False.
I began my coaching programs via email. People would
email me their story and we would have dialogue back and
forth. In time, I became inundated - there were too many
people that needed help. I couldn't provide quality time
to each person in need of advice. It hurt me - they were in
so much pain and I knew I could help, but I was just
spread too thin.
This is why I designed the Step to Heal program. I wanted
everyone to have access to the most powerful exercises
to help themselves heal. I started offering the Step to
Heal program and it was popular, BUT then I realized
that I was still not providing personal attention to everyone.
That's why I started sending out my mini email lessons so
that you get a taste of Step to Heal and how it can help.
If you want to really heal, you have to take the right action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
So, if you're interested in getting much more than just
another run of the mill self-help book, try Step to Heal.
Remember, each lesson in the Step to Heal program is
taught interactively. There is a little theory and a lot of
action. In fact, after each step, you are asked to
practice exercises within the interactive online forum.
When your mind acknowledges that you are taking action
to heal, your heart and body will follow suit.
Here are some more specific highlights of Step to Heal:
*Stomping out negative thinking, for good
*Releasing anxiety with simple, time tested exercises
*Determining what went wrong with the relationship
*Curing the lonely and empty feelings
*Learning the secrets to sleeping through the night again
*Discovering whether you were in a soulmate relationship
and learning what to do if you were.
*Re-designing your future with real, tangible methodology
*Much more
Don't forget - you get me. You will have access to me at
anytime you need – you can ask me questions at anytime.
Finally, the best part, you’ll have access the community.
Once you join, you’ll be in contact with a group of
people in similar situations. The community is not a place
where misery loves company, it’s a place where members
uplift one another.
For remarkable relief to your heartache, you need to take action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
P.S. If you choose not to take this route, I’m still here
for you. My life calling is to help people with their pain.
Send me an email and ask me any questions about the program.
I would be happy to answer them for you.
P.P.S. Want more lessons? You can go here
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
If you’ve read the 4 previous lessons, then you
know I like to tell it like it is. So, here
it is: Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact,
in the case of a broken heart, time can make it
worse.
Note: The most remarkable relief to your heartacheknow I like to tell it like it is. So, here
it is: Time doesn’t heal all wounds. In fact,
in the case of a broken heart, time can make it
worse.
can be found by taking the very specific steps here:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Why do so many people think that time is the
miracle maker?
It is because after time goes by we do feel
better. Did I just contradict myself? No, time can
make us feel better, but often we simply
mask the original problems - we don't resolve them.
For example, have you had a day where you're feelingbetter. Did I just contradict myself? No, time can
make us feel better, but often we simply
mask the original problems - we don't resolve them.
okay...then you hear a song that reminds you of your
ex? This trigger can cause a break down. We can
fall into fits of pain when the root of the problem
remains within us. Time can push trauma deep inside
to hide from our conscious mind; unfortunately,
nothing hides from the subconscious mind.
If you do nothing at this point but allow time
to pass, you may be listening to a song months
or years from now and have the same reaction.
If you are suffering from true heartbreak, the
only real way to heal is to walk straight through
your pain and release it. Okay, you're thinking,
how do I do that?
Take action from these lessons you are reading!
Action is what will get your through your heartache
as opposed to letting time continue to pass.
So, first make a pact with yourself and me that
you are going to incorporate some of the practices
I have provided over the last 5 days into your
daily routine.
Next, ask yourself...what are my choices ahead?
You probably recognize at his juncture there is a
fork in the road ahead of you. One path is to
let time pass by and see how you feel. The other path
is to make the choice to fight this pain and heal.
Choose to fight.
How? Bear with me for one second and I'll tell you.
When I started helping people heal their broken
hearts, my intention was to be able to coach everyone
through healing. I clearly recall my suffering and
NO ONE should have to endure that type
of pain. It is my firm belief we stay in pain cycles
too long because someone convinced us that we need
this "time" to heal. False.
I began my coaching programs via email. People would
email me their story and we would have dialogue back and
forth. In time, I became inundated - there were too many
people that needed help. I couldn't provide quality time
to each person in need of advice. It hurt me - they were in
so much pain and I knew I could help, but I was just
spread too thin.
This is why I designed the Step to Heal program. I wanted
everyone to have access to the most powerful exercises
to help themselves heal. I started offering the Step to
Heal program and it was popular, BUT then I realized
that I was still not providing personal attention to everyone.
That's why I started sending out my mini email lessons so
that you get a taste of Step to Heal and how it can help.
If you want to really heal, you have to take the right action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
So, if you're interested in getting much more than just
another run of the mill self-help book, try Step to Heal.
Remember, each lesson in the Step to Heal program is
taught interactively. There is a little theory and a lot of
action. In fact, after each step, you are asked to
practice exercises within the interactive online forum.
When your mind acknowledges that you are taking action
to heal, your heart and body will follow suit.
Here are some more specific highlights of Step to Heal:
*Stomping out negative thinking, for good
*Releasing anxiety with simple, time tested exercises
*Determining what went wrong with the relationship
*Curing the lonely and empty feelings
*Learning the secrets to sleeping through the night again
*Discovering whether you were in a soulmate relationship
and learning what to do if you were.
*Re-designing your future with real, tangible methodology
*Much more
Don't forget - you get me. You will have access to me at
anytime you need – you can ask me questions at anytime.
Finally, the best part, you’ll have access the community.
Once you join, you’ll be in contact with a group of
people in similar situations. The community is not a place
where misery loves company, it’s a place where members
uplift one another.
For remarkable relief to your heartache, you need to take action:
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
P.S. If you choose not to take this route, I’m still here
for you. My life calling is to help people with their pain.
Send me an email and ask me any questions about the program.
I would be happy to answer them for you.
P.P.S. Want more lessons? You can go here
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Lesson 4 - Losing a soulmate
If you've lost your soulmate, I wrote this for you.
If you're in pain from a break up, but you know that
your ex wasn't your soulmate, this will still be of
great benefit.
Remember: You are reading this because you want
to heal. Take the best action to heal right here:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
If you're in pain from a break up, but you know that
your ex wasn't your soulmate, this will still be of
great benefit.
Remember: You are reading this because you want
to heal. Take the best action to heal right here:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
9 years ago, I felt I had lost my soulmate. I had
been through a divorce and that was heart-wrenching,
but that's not what or to whom I am referring. After
my divorce, I met someone that I felt was my perfect
match. I had never felt that way before and never loved
that way before; he was the one I had been waiting for my
entire life.
He didn't feel the same. We parted and I died inside.
The day after I felt a chill go from my toes up through
my body until it found my chest. The cold went through
every vessel in my heart filling it with darkness and
stripping me of the hope of life.
If you feel like you've lost your soulmate, you realize
that I’m not being dramatic. You know that it is an
experience that is almost indescribable. As I've never
experienced death myself, I can only assume a bad break
up is a very close second.
If you feel anything like what I've described, then I
have one message I need you to hear - you WILL feel
better. In fact, you will feel better than you have
ever felt because you are on your way to a more authentic path.
A brighter future.
I know it sounds ridiculous – almost impossible, in fact.
But believe me, it is the absolute truth. The universe
operates in strange ways to get us to the happiest place we
can be and you are no exception to this path.
I went from the state I described above to a state of true
happiness by first researching every healing technique
available, reading every self-help book, going to therapists,
support groups,and even hypnotherapy. You know what
I got from this? Not much. I only learned about everything
that was wrong with me and it didn't help with my pain.
Then, I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine was talking
about an article in Time magazine called The Science of
Happiness. They were referring to what I now know as
Positive Psychology - a science which studies happiness.
Am I serious? Yes, very. It's not a pill, nor is it a joke.
Positive Psychology is a real science which focuses on how to
be happier. It is the study of what is right with us.
This really appealed to me. I devoured every book and
article written on the subject. I even went and received a
Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. I now use evidence-based research to help heal
broken hearts. I tested these techniques first on myself, then
on friends, and then on others suffering from a broken heart.
This is how my 15-step healing process was born.
Since then, thousands (no exaggeration) of people have
stepped through the process and I think if any of this resonates
with you, that you may consider trying it too at
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
The tip I want to leave you with today:
Create a vision for your life. Not 5 or 10 years out, but 20
or 30 years out. Imagine that you are 85 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to your future grandchild
and saying to them, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.
What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting
and what I like to call working backwards.
I explain it all in my guide & online process, Step to Heal:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
been through a divorce and that was heart-wrenching,
but that's not what or to whom I am referring. After
my divorce, I met someone that I felt was my perfect
match. I had never felt that way before and never loved
that way before; he was the one I had been waiting for my
entire life.
He didn't feel the same. We parted and I died inside.
The day after I felt a chill go from my toes up through
my body until it found my chest. The cold went through
every vessel in my heart filling it with darkness and
stripping me of the hope of life.
If you feel like you've lost your soulmate, you realize
that I’m not being dramatic. You know that it is an
experience that is almost indescribable. As I've never
experienced death myself, I can only assume a bad break
up is a very close second.
If you feel anything like what I've described, then I
have one message I need you to hear - you WILL feel
better. In fact, you will feel better than you have
ever felt because you are on your way to a more authentic path.
A brighter future.
I know it sounds ridiculous – almost impossible, in fact.
But believe me, it is the absolute truth. The universe
operates in strange ways to get us to the happiest place we
can be and you are no exception to this path.
I went from the state I described above to a state of true
happiness by first researching every healing technique
available, reading every self-help book, going to therapists,
support groups,and even hypnotherapy. You know what
I got from this? Not much. I only learned about everything
that was wrong with me and it didn't help with my pain.
Then, I had a breakthrough. A friend of mine was talking
about an article in Time magazine called The Science of
Happiness. They were referring to what I now know as
Positive Psychology - a science which studies happiness.
Am I serious? Yes, very. It's not a pill, nor is it a joke.
Positive Psychology is a real science which focuses on how to
be happier. It is the study of what is right with us.
This really appealed to me. I devoured every book and
article written on the subject. I even went and received a
Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of
Pennsylvania. I now use evidence-based research to help heal
broken hearts. I tested these techniques first on myself, then
on friends, and then on others suffering from a broken heart.
This is how my 15-step healing process was born.
Since then, thousands (no exaggeration) of people have
stepped through the process and I think if any of this resonates
with you, that you may consider trying it too at
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
The tip I want to leave you with today:
Create a vision for your life. Not 5 or 10 years out, but 20
or 30 years out. Imagine that you are 85 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to your future grandchild
and saying to them, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.
What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting
and what I like to call working backwards.
I explain it all in my guide & online process, Step to Heal:
=> http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Was your ex your soulmate?
Stay tuned for 5 of 5: Does time heal your wounds?...
Love & Light,
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
Second lesson on healing my broken heart
Hey, does this sound familiar?
"I will never meet anyone else..."
"I cannot live without this person..."
"This keeps happening, what is wrong with me?"
Okay, whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her,
you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue
is that they repeat themselves over and over and…you
get the point.
How do you get your mind to stop this chatter?
It's as if your mind has another operator that
is simply ignoring your commands. You may even
be saying STOP to your thoughts as they come,
pulling your hair, and really, really trying not
to think about your pain and break up, but the
thoughts still show up at the most inopportune
times.
First, understand you are not going crazy, this is
common post break-up behavior.
Next, the good part - there is a way to put an end
to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex,
your attachment to these thoughts has been hard
wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed
pathways in your brain…ok, ok, I won't go into the
science.
Let's get to the good stuff: techniques to overcome
repetitive negative thoughts.
The first method is to literally flip the thoughts
on their head with a more realistic, positive
statement. One of the statements I started with,
"I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common
post-break up fear. If you step back and focus
within, you know that this is simply not true.
Whether you're a youngster or late into your years,
the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is,
well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that
you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep
thinking about it over and over is because having a
broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying
to protect you from going through this pain ever again.
When you have a recurring negative thought, first
pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for
trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say,
“Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then
rethink the thought in a more realistic method -
“The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”
In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive
thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it
down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the
realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use
your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours.
What I've been providing you thus far are mini-lessons.
The powerful techniques to overcome this heartache reside
here => http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
"I will never meet anyone else..."
"I cannot live without this person..."
"This keeps happening, what is wrong with me?"
Okay, whatever the thoughts are – you miss him or her,
you hate this feeling, you feel like crud – the issue
is that they repeat themselves over and over and…you
get the point.
How do you get your mind to stop this chatter?
It's as if your mind has another operator that
is simply ignoring your commands. You may even
be saying STOP to your thoughts as they come,
pulling your hair, and really, really trying not
to think about your pain and break up, but the
thoughts still show up at the most inopportune
times.
First, understand you are not going crazy, this is
common post break-up behavior.
Next, the good part - there is a way to put an end
to nagging thoughts. Like your attachment to your ex,
your attachment to these thoughts has been hard
wired in your mind. The attachment has actually formed
pathways in your brain…ok, ok, I won't go into the
science.
Let's get to the good stuff: techniques to overcome
repetitive negative thoughts.
The first method is to literally flip the thoughts
on their head with a more realistic, positive
statement. One of the statements I started with,
"I'm never going to meet anyone else" is a common
post-break up fear. If you step back and focus
within, you know that this is simply not true.
Whether you're a youngster or late into your years,
the likelihood of never meeting anyone else is,
well, zero. You will. So, the first statement that
you won't is an unrealistic one. The reason you keep
thinking about it over and over is because having a
broken heart HURTS and your subconscious mind is trying
to protect you from going through this pain ever again.
When you have a recurring negative thought, first
pause and take a moment. Thank your brain for
trying to protect you. I'm serious, actually say,
“Thanks brain, I got it, you're protecting me.” Then
rethink the thought in a more realistic method -
“The more likely outcome is that I will meet someone.”
In order to rewire your mind to reference the positive
thought and totally get rid of the negative one, write it
down. Each time you have the thought, flip it to the
realistic thought - in writing. Use sticky notes or use
your phone...writing it out will rewire that
stubborn mind of yours.
What I've been providing you thus far are mini-lessons.
The powerful techniques to overcome this heartache reside
here => http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
See you tomorrow with lesson 3 of 5: Constant Reminders be gone
Love & Light,
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. If these mini-lessons resonate with you, then
the full healing lessons will accelerate your healing.
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. If these mini-lessons resonate with you, then
the full healing lessons will accelerate your healing.
http://healmybrokenheart.com/next
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Day 1 of healing my broken heart
Hi,
As promised, here is the extended analysis of your survey results and an important healing lesson.
You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness -Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome - You may not be able to get your ex, the break up or the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible Soulmate - It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, the one that made you who you are and want to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?
Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:
Lesson 1:
The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.
The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.
Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know this to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.
Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.
The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.
For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
from work or when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be to go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and to listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.
The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.
The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.
Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want is to have
company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week - it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.
To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
You fall into a pretty high category of pain. I understand this is an extremely difficult time, but there is still hope for you to feel better – and soon. Below is a quick summary of your results followed by a custom healing lesson which will start your healing today.
1 – You are suffering from Emptiness -Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you, “Hey, what’s the point of any of this without him or her?” The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness, you are feeling emptiness.
2 – You are experiencing the Reminder Syndrome - You may not be able to get your ex, the break up or the pain out of your mind for more than a few minutes at a time. There are subconscious triggers of your ex everywhere including songs, smells, objects, and much more.
3 – Negative thoughts - you can’t seem to shake them. Why did this happen (again)? I’m never going to meet anyone. The thought of dating again makes me want to vomit. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a simple and powerful method to combat these thoughts.
4 – Loss of a possible Soulmate - It seems that you believe that you have lost the person that was the one for you. The one you had been waiting for, the person that made you whole, the one that made you who you are and want to be. I want to tell you that even in this situation, it is possible to heal, to have hope, and to live a vibrant life again.
Ok, so what’s your next step? First, make a pact with yourself to set aside any current thoughts you have about never getting over this pain. Open your mind to the possibility that you can feel better and soon. Agreed?
Next, read mini-lesson 1 below:
Lesson 1:
The day after a break up or the year after (if you
haven't found a way to heal) may seem like you are
waking up to a nightmare. The space beside you in bed
is vacant and that vacancy is sending you a blaring
message - you are alone. It seems unbearable.
The reason it is so painful is that more than loneliness,
you are feeling emptiness. Being lonely is manageable, but
feeling empty is different. Emptiness can strip the meaning
from everything from which you once derived enjoyment
including your job, friends, family, and hobbies.
Your mind, body, and heart are basically saying to you,
"Hey, what is the point of any of this without him or
her?" Well, there is a point. When you quiet your mind
and look deep within, you know this to be true - your life has
meaning and though it seems impossible, these feelings
will pass.
Fortunately, you don't have to allow time to do the magic.
You can relieve the pain and bring meaning back into your
life by practicing some of the following tips.
The first tip to overcome the emptiness is to identify the
triggers (times, places, and things) that cause you the
most pain. Triggers can cause fits of sadness, grief, and
loneliness.
For example, common triggers are the moment you come home
from work or when you get into bed at night. Once you've
made the list, you need to have a pre-planned adjustment to
counteract each trigger. Your adjustment for these triggers
can be to go out for dinner if you normally cooked with your ex
and to listen to music while falling asleep. These are just
examples.
The main point is that you must make yourself aware of the
recurring pain triggers and have a plan to make adjustments
to these routines. This will help - a lot.
The second tip is to engage your support network. Most of us
crawl into a hole and have a tendency to withdraw after a
break-up. After my divorce, had I seen a crack in the earth,
I would have gladly jumped in. Withdrawal is part of our
flight or fight response. Choose to fight.
Find your friends and family or co-workers and make plans
with them. The last thing in the world you may want is to have
company, but it is imperative that you socialize at least 2x
a week - it accelerates the healing process. Try to hang
out with some people who didn't know you and your ex as a
couple to bring back your individuality and avoid that trigger.
To help you further, watch my powerful video on core beliefs. In
6 minutes it provides healing in a form I couldn't provide via email.
It gets good at 2 minutes, but you have to watch the whole video
in order to gain benefit. =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
See you tomorrow for Lesson 2: Flip Your Thoughts
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
P.S. I'm a real person. I look forward to getting
to know you better.
to know you better.
P.P.S. Healing takes action. Your homework is to
spare 6 minutes right now in order to watch the
core beliefs video =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
spare 6 minutes right now in order to watch the
core beliefs video =>
http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/corebeliefs
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Living with BiPolar and Personality Disorder Husbands
As I sit here in the light of the morning with a cuppa coffee in my hand and the time since my encounter with the crazy man is farther behind me every minute I stop and remember he cant help it any more than he can help that his eyes are blue or that he is gorgeous.... yup, beautiful men are my weakness... and then on top of it I tend to believe in the best of people... so I ended up spending years, once again, believing he "could change"... well, I am over that.
So, this is what I am trying to remember today:
Psychotherapy for patients with personality disorders focuses on helping them see the unconscious conflicts that are contributing to or causing their symptoms. It also helps people become more flexible and is aimed at reducing the behavior patterns that interfere with everyday living.
In psychotherapy, people with personality disorders can better recognize the effects of their behavior on others. Behavior and cognitive therapies focus on resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships.
So, this is what I am trying to remember today:
What is “Personality?”
Personality refers to a distinctive set of traits, behavior styles, and patterns that make up our character or individuality. How we perceive the world, our attitudes, thoughts, and feelings are all part of our personality. People with healthy personalities are able to cope with normal stresses and have no trouble forming relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.What is a Personality Disorder?
Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are “normal” or “right,” people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities.Recognizing a Personality Disorder
A personality disorder must fulfill several criteria. A deeply ingrained, inflexible pattern of relating, perceiving, and thinking serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning is a personality disorder. Personality disorders are usually recognizable by adolescence or earlier, continue throughout adulthood, and become less obvious throughout middle age.What Causes a Personality Disorder?
Some experts believe that events occurring in early childhood exert a powerful influence upon behavior later in life. Others indicate that people are genetically predisposed to personality disorders. In some cases, however, environmental facts may cause a person who is already genetically vulnerable to develop a personality disorder.Types of Personality Disorders
There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. Many of these fall into three different categories or clusters:- Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behavior
- Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior
- Cluster C: Anxious fearful behavior
Cluster A:
- Schizoid Personality Disorder. Schizoid personalities are introverted, withdrawn, solitary, emotionally cold, and distant. They are often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and are fearful of closeness and intimacy with others. For example, a person suffering from schizoid personality is more of a daydreamer than a practical action taker.
- Paranoid Personality Disorder. The essential feature for this type of personality disorder is interpreting the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with paranoid personality disorder are untrusting, unforgiving, and prone to angry or aggressive outbursts without justification because they perceive others as unfaithful, disloyal, condescending or deceitful. This type of person may also be jealous, guarded, secretive, and scheming, and may appear to be emotionally “cold” or excessively serious.
- Schizotypal Personality Disorder. A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.
Cluster B:
- Antisocial Personality Disorder. People with antisocial personality disorder characteristically act out their conflicts and ignore normal rules of social behavior. These individuals are impulsive, irresponsible, and callous. Typically, the antisocial personality has a history of legal difficulties, belligerent and irresponsible behavior, aggressive and even violent relationships. They show no respect for other people and feel no remorse about the effects of their behavior on others. These people ware at high risk for substance abuse, especially alcoholism, since it helps them to relieve tension, irritability and boredom.
- Borderline Personality Disorder. People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-multilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.
Cluster C:
- Avoidant Personality Disorder. Avoidant personalities are often hypersensitive to rejection and are unwilling to become involved with others unless they are sure of being liked. Excessive social discomfort, timidity, fear of criticism, avoidance of social or work activities that involve interpersonal contact are characteristic of the avoidant personality. They are fearful of saying something considered foolish by others; worry they will blush or cry in front of others; and are very hurt by any disapproval by others. People with avoidant personality disorder may have no close relationships outside of their family circle, although they would like to, and are upset at their inability to relate well to others.
- Dependent Personality Disorder. People with dependent personality disorder may exhibit a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior, relying on others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and advice, and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. They feel uncomfortable and helpless if they are alone, and can be devastated when a close relationship ends. They have a strong fear of rejection. Typically lacking in self-confidence, the dependent personality rarely initiates projects or does things independently. This disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is diagnosed more frequently in females than males.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Compulsive personalities are conscientious and have high levels of aspiration, but they also strive for perfection. Never satisfied with their achievements, people with compulsive personality disorder take on more and more responsibilities. They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility often makes them incapable of adapting to changed circumstances. People with compulsive personality are highly cautious, weigh all aspects of a problem, and pay attention to every detail, making it difficult for them to make decisions and complete tasks. When their feelings are not under strict control, events are unpredictable, or they must rely on others, compulsive personalities often feel a sense of isolation and helplessness.
Professional Help
When these characteristics are carried to an extreme, when they endure over time and when they interfere with healthy functioning, a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or mental health professional is recommended.Treatment of the Personality Disorder
There are many types of help available for the different personality disorders. Treatment may include individual, group, or family psychotherapy. Medications, prescribed by a patient’s physician, may also be helpful in relieving some of the symptoms of personality disorders, including problems with anxiety and perceptions.Psychotherapy for patients with personality disorders focuses on helping them see the unconscious conflicts that are contributing to or causing their symptoms. It also helps people become more flexible and is aimed at reducing the behavior patterns that interfere with everyday living.
In psychotherapy, people with personality disorders can better recognize the effects of their behavior on others. Behavior and cognitive therapies focus on resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships.
There is Hope
The more you learn about personality disorders the more you will understand that they are illnesses, with causes and treatments. People can improve with proper care. By seeking out information you can recognize the signs and symptoms of a personality disorder and help yourself or someone you know live a healthier more fulfilling life.
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